Edward and the Students
by mndlrn
Summary: Naked Edward. Now that I've got you're attention. Funny. Emmett and Edward during Spirit Week. Pranks galore.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For hilarities sake, Rose and Emmett are still seniors with Bella and Ed juniors******

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the original plot.

**Chapter One:**

_EmmPOV_:

I finished the rest of the program changes and saved.

The school assembly tomorrow was going to get very interesting.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

EdPOV:

"It will be fine Bella." That damn Newton. The original Fig Newton. If he didn't stop hitting on Bella I was going to crack his cookie.

"Where do you want to sit?" Bella squeezed my hand. She pulled me out of my thoughts, worthy to be called of the same macabre tone Edgar Allen Poe used. Ah the olden days.

"The middle is always open." I led her through the crowd. We sat down behind some regular kids.

"Hi Bella." Newton's voice made me shudder. Bella studied me. "You ok?" I nodded.

"Bella, what's this assembly about?" Newton stuck his head between me and Bella's, in that space there.

"Something about school spirit, I think." Bella said offhand. Mike leaned his head on his folded hands, with his elbows on the back of our chairs. Being closer than necessary to my love than I liked.

I gritted my teeth together.

"Students, as you all know, tomorrow starts our annual Spirit Week." The principal had a PowerPoint started, titled 'Spirit Week 2005'. (don't know '05 for sure)

"There are many events going on this week." He hit the control again. Another slide popped up. It said 'Events'. Listed were bake sales, a dance that could be nice but Bella hates them, and something called 'special'.

I focused on the principal's thoughts.

_Let's hope no one is offended. We are in desperate need of some new sources of revenue this year. Sigh. We aren't going to be able to afford the senior's prom this year if this dosen't hit off._

"We are going to have event days, as usual. But this year we're doing something different." He hit the slide. There was a WordArt that said 'Mr. and Mrs. Forks High'.

"We are going to be accepting nominees for the most desireable members of the student body to be auctioned off this Thursday." Heads swiveled towards all of us Cullens. Good heavens.

"We ask all to be a good sport. Funds are low this year and the school would highly appreciate a good humor." _What do you bet all the Cullens are voted?_ He went on to explain the rules, and I buzzed out.

Students would vote 3 of the desired nominees from each grade and they would be auctioned to the highest Thursday during the last period.

Good heavens. The nominees would have to spend all of Friday, and a date, with whoever won.

I looked at Bella. Newton's family wasn't poor, and he had one of the few jobs in town. He probably would get every male in the senior year to vote for Bella, and spend the entire day away from me. Whoever was voted couldn't vote on another nominee. I wanted to bang my head against cement.

_It would just crack Edward._ Came Alice's voice. I rolled my eyes, and she giggled from where she and Jasper were sitting near the far right-middle.

The principal hit the slide again. My picture was on the screen, where I was sitting on the hood of my car on a particularly cloudy day. I was wearing my white sleeveless turtleneck and a pair of jeans.

The principal hit the control again and WordArt popped up: Flashing

**Spirit Week Special: Edward Cullen is giving free hugs all week!! Ask!! (Gay guys too)**

I maintained a snarl, and spun around in my chair to spot Emmett and Rosalie in the very last row, Emmett doing some kind of dance in his seat and giggling. _Haha Edward. Glue in my pants, will you? Revenge, dear brother._

The entire school turned around to look at me. I met them with a cold glare. The principal coughed loudly. "Mr. Cullen?"

I clenched my teeth tighter. "Yes?" I called out.

"May I speak with you, outside?" I stood up and stormed out.


	2. Edward!

**Chapter Two:**

_EdPOV:_

Like I was going to stay for the principal to tell me what for. I snorted.

Bella ran out after me. "Edward? Did Emmett do that?" I snarled. She stood several feet away.

I clenched every muscle, trying not to go kill that moron I have to let live.

I stopped breathing, pinching my nose. Don't be angry around Bella. Revenge is best served cold.

I blew out my breath. I opened my eyes again. "I'm alright Bella." She ran and threw her arms around my waist.

Alice came out of the school into the parking lot with me and Bella. I narrowed my eyes at her over Bella's head.

"You saw." I said. She shrugged. "It's Emmett. How could I spoil it? It was _hilarious_. I'm always one for a good prank."

I bent my head down to Bella's, kissing her. I pulled away a minute later.

"Anything else I should know about?" I said to Alice.

She blocked her mind. "There's always stuff you need to know. Is it going to be sunny? Do you have gas?"

I picked Bella up, running to my car. _Damn Cullens think they can get away with anything._ The principal was coming.

We were out of the parking lot before the man had made it out of the building. "Edward?" Came Bella's sweet voice.

I reached over and took her hand. "Sorry, it's just…" She interrupted. "Emmett. I sort-of understand." I grinned that smile she liked.

"Decades of living with him, and he still manages to pull these things off." Bella suddenly blushed, not listening to me as much.

I stared at her, concentrating still to break down that unseeable brick wall. No luck. How irritating.

"You have no idea how…incredibly…frustrated I get when you just _think _like that." I turned face forward again. She'll tell me what she was thinking sooner or later.

"Free hugs? Edward. Do you know how many girls are going to be following you after that trick?" She looked terrified. I brushed my fingers across her cheek. "They won't, Silly Bella, lay one paw on me."

She looked at me again. "Was that a crack about the pack?"

Where did that come from? I sighed inwardly. "No, I apologize if it sounded like that."

Bella squeezed my hand, looking out the window. Her face was so expressive: right now worry was written into all of her features.

"Bella, I'll deal with Emmett when I get home." She swiveled her head, "Do you think that you might be able to let me watch?"

I threw my head back in laughter. "When do you want to head over?" I was just a few minutes from her home.

"Now." Her face must have only been giving a little of what my love was thinking. She seemed to be planning. I knew that face well. "Alice looks like that every time she wants to hurt someone." Bella raised her eyebrows at me. "Through pranks," I finished.

Bella nodded. "He deserves it."

_AliPOV:_

Jasper escorted me out of the gym with the rest of the children. The rest? He better not consider me a child.

Jasper glanced at me. "Oh no. What?" I glared at him. "Do you consider me a child?"

He shook his head. "You aren't a child. But you are my baby." AAWWWW.

I smiled. "You're cute." He grinned. "Thank you."

We got into his car, pulling out. I had a vision.

(Vision)

_Edward ran into the gym. He opened his locker and takes his towel, heading towards the shower._

_While in the shower, some other guy hits him on the butt with a rolled up towel. When Edward looks, some blonde guy, thankfully not Mike, winks at him. I was laughing by this point Edward pulls the shower curtain and hides in the shower. _

_The blonde guy has cash hanging out of his jeans. Emmett! He takes Edward's towel from the ring on the outside of the curtain._

_The blonde guy runs away, muttering something under his breath._

_When Edward opens the curtain again, he glares at the empty towel ring. Swearing, he covers himself with the shower curtain. In gym, extra towels are taken first thing when the guys come back in. Thankfully, showers are required. And everyone tattles on the Cullens. Which is why Edward had to take a shower._

I let out laughter, wishing tears could be streaming from my eyes. Jasper looked alarmed, speeding up. "Alice? Are you alright?" I nodded, grasping the dashboard for a prop.

"Emmett…tomorrow…" I couldn't stop laughing. First the hugs, now a naked running Edward. "Hahahahahhahahaha!!"

_EdPOV:_

I brought Bella into the house, leaving her in Esme's protective reach. Then I ran up to Emmett's room, placing the questionable photography magazines (Porn) all over Emmett's side of the room.

I heard Rosalie's M3 pull up, and ran back downstairs.

Rose came in first, with Emmett with his arms around her from her backside as they sauntered up the stairs.

"Emmett?" I turned my head.

"Come on. That was funny!" He bellowed. Esme shook her head.

"We're supposed to blend in." She muttered. Emmett rolled his eyes. He followed Rose up to their room. Bella giggled. Their door slammed.

"What's with the naked men!" I heard Rose scream. "And women!"

"It wasn't me! I swear!" Boulders crashed upstairs, and Bella covered her ears.

"This is a warning!" Rose threw him downstairs again. He landed with a crash, making the wood bend under his weight. "Emmett!!" Esme was upset too. This couldn't have worked out better. Bella pushed her laughing face into my shoulder.

This was almost as funny as Arbor Day '64. Aahhhh, what a day.

Esme grabbed him by the ear. "You know no rough-housing in MY house! Out!" She led him to the door and kicked him in the pants. I threw my head back, laughing, though silently. I didn't want Esme turning on _me_.

She shut the door. "Don't come in this house until I say so, or your Jeep is gone!" Emmett howled outside.

Esme inspected the dent in the floor. I heard Rosalie pacing upstairs, paper being shredded. Bella kissed my cheek. "Feel better now?" I nodded.

THE NEXT DAY

I woke Bella. "Hmm." She turned her head towards my kisses. "Wake up." Her eyes fluttered. A small smile came across her lips. "Edward." I kissed her neck. She moved closer to me, inflaring the monster for a moment. Which monster, I'm not sure.

She sat up. "Time for a human moment?" That was so cute. I kissed her. "Go forth." I gestured my hand. She sprang out of bed, and almost fell. I moved and caught her. "Did you get up too fast?" She shook her head. I set her on her feet and pushed her on the back gently. She grabbed her bag and clothes and headed to the shower.

I lounged on her bed, fingering the small hole in her quilt. I heard the shower turn on.

Emmett hadn't been let back into the house until one o'clock. Even then Rosalie hadn't let him back into her room until he had washed, waxed, and filled the air in her tires twice. He smelled like cleaning products still when I had left the house.

I sighed and leaned my head back on my arms, facing the ceiling. Alice had taken Jasper hunting after school yesterday.

Bella's shower had stopped. I heard her shuffling on the floor. I tapped my foot on the floor. Bella's bed was so tiny. Maybe she would let me buy her a bigger one. A king sized gold bed with metal posts and--

Bella came in, towel drying her hair. She laid it on her dresser, coming back over to lay next to me.

"Good morning." She kissed me, fingering a lock of my hair. I pressed my lips against hers, flipping her over. She wrapped her arms around me, I would think with some considerable strength for a human.

We were like this for several minutes, she was _so warm_. Her heart was going like a rabbits'. She opened her mouth, and her breath flew into my mouth. Mmm. Can't. Don't. Bad Edward. Not a snack. I pulled away. She molded herself to me to try to prolong it. I pushed her chin away.

"Bella." I scolded. She stared back defiantly. "Edward."

I sighed, pulling her up with me when I did. I picked her up in my arms and ran her down to the kitchen. "I'm not hungry." She said.

I wish I wasn't. Stop it. I shook my head. "Eat something."

She took a granola bar and stuck it in her mouth.

Don't even go there. Down boy.

I picked up her bag, swinging it over my shoulder.

I took her out to the car, helping her in. I ran over to the other side, revving the engine.

She groaned. "Can't you drive like a normal person?" She caught her error, and laughed. I laughed with her.

We were there in a few minutes, and I assisted her in getting to her locker.

"You seem nervous." I stated. Bella kept looking around every time a girl passed by.

"Looking for your potential stalkers." I sighed.

"Stop worrying. I'll growl at them." She grinned. "You promise?" I kissed her.

Jessica ran up and threw her arms around me from behind. She squeezed.

"I think you're doing a good thing, giving hugs." Came her _irritating _voice. Bella looked ready for a fight. I showed my teeth at Jessica. "Let go." She did.

"Tell all your friends to leave me alone. I don't want hugs. That's Emmett. He loves hugs. Go get 'em."

Jessica ran away squealing. "I hugged him!" She screamed. I buried my face in Bella's shoulder-neck meeting.

She patted my back. "You're too sexy for your own good." I moved my face back and forth.

The bell rang. I escorted Bella to her first class and kissed her. "See you in Biology, Silly Bella." She took the bag and went inside.

Monotony monotony monotony. The teacher talks, wow. I have a PhD. Do I need to listen to you? The milkman needs to wear underwear. What kind of underwear does Bella wear?

That's how I spent my day. Imaginining what kind of underwear Bella wore.

Gym came. We were playing soccer. I scored one or two.

_Cullen is such a loser. Look at him. Wuss. Can't even play soccer._ Tyler and Eric didn't seem to like me. Wonder why.

_My rabbit isn't eating. I wonder why._

_Jimmy kissed me! (Squeal) We have to go out. Like, oh my gosh!_

_Happy Bunny kicks ass! I love him!_

_Who was Sherlock Holmes' mother? I can't remember._

_Gas is just being used by the Man to keep down the imaginitive cognitive ability of the People. We should rise up and take down the society that oppresses us! _

_Where are my yellow tube socks? I bet my mother stole them again._

_I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World! I'm plastic, It's fantastic!_

Good Heavens. I closed my eyes.

_Hello Sexy! _Was that a guy?

I turned around, trying to find out who it came from. Some blonde dude winked at me from the next field.

Homosexuals were odd to me. I wasn't afraid of them, but when I was growing up, they either didn't exist or they never told anyone. It was _wrong._

The soccer ball came towards me, and I ran for it, kicking it to Crowley. He went down to the other goal.

The bell rang in a few minutes.

_Dude I 'm tired. Let's just go in_. The coach thought and blew the whistle.

I headed in, went to my locker and grabbed the towel. These guys had turned me in before for not showering. 'Let's get Cullen in trouble' and all that. (A/n: I say so. There. No eye tricks. It's a man coach)

Somethings hit me in the butt. I turned around.

_Hello! _Blondie. _This is so worth the money. _What? He winked at me and left the showers.

I sighed and put my towel in the ring, and got in. I turned the shower on to full heat.

_Hehehehehehe._ This stood out among the noise in my head. What the he—

I heard one of the towel rings hit tile. I stuck my head out. My towel was gone. Damn it. I swore.

How was I going to get out of here? I would have to wait for the bell.

I did wait for the bell. A few minutes after the bell rang I moved out.

Emmett ran into the locker room. "What the--?"

He had a camera. Good Sheep.

I moved, but too slow. He already had 2 pictures snapped. I moved towards him. He ran. The coach came out. "Mr. Cullen, why are you naked?" He checked his watch. "And still here?" I wouldv'e been blushing.

"Any extra towels?" I used my hands to cover some areas.

"Sorry son. You know the rules." The SOB went back to his office.

Bella was waiting for me in Biology. The bell was about to ring and more students were coming. I could hear them. I also had to get to Emmett before he managed to find a photocopier.

_BPOV: _

Where was Edward? I checked the clock. He was worrying me. He was never late for Biology. He told me he was going to be here. Did something happen? Did Jasper hurt someone?

I ignored Mr. Banner. We were watching a movie! Where was Edward?

I wrote a bathroom pass and he signed it without barely glancing at it.

I was out of there fast. Where could he be?

I walked around the school, looking for him. He was scaring me. My palms were starting to sweat.

I saw Alice walking the hall with Emmett. "Hey. Where's Edward? He never showed up to Biology."

Emmett seemed to hold in a smile, but maybe that was a stretch.

Alice hugged me. "Don't worry Bella. He's fine." I pulled away. "Where is he?"

Alice glanced at Emmett, who answered, "Go check the guys locker room. He might still be there."

I didn't even think. I headed back towards the other end of the school.

I opened the gym doors, seeing the guys' Coach leaving. I pushed forward, throwing open the door to the Locker Room. I hope there aren't any guys still in here.

"Edward?" I called, heading in.

"Oh my—Bella?" Oh my gosh. There was a naked Edward.


	3. Naked Edward! Yay!

**Chapter Three: Yay! Naked Edward!**

_CarlPOV_: (Happens before Edward gets nude) UMM!

"Your son has been behaving in a way that lately hasn't been up to his usual standards." The principal seemed concerned. Bless his heart.

"Edward hasn't shown any problems at home. He seems to be alright." Play along old boy. These humans didn't understand.

"Your son seems to be becoming narcissistic, I believe. He put a picture of himself on a schoolwide PowerPoint created for nothing but the education of my students to encourage school pride." I inwardly rolled my eyes. Yada-yada-yada.

"He will be talked to when he arrives home today. I have—" The principal looked over my shoulder, as we were standiung in the hallway, and looked angry.

"There's two more of your children." He gritted his teeth. If I had been human, maybe he would have gotten away with looking so stressed.

"Oh Emmett. Alice?" He called out. The two came up. "Hey Dad." Emmett smacked me on the back. "How's your old bones holding up?" He grinned.

"You two don't have hallpasses, do you?" Neither teen answered.

"Sir, I had a serious problem, you see--" The principal held up his hand.

"We've gone over this enough."

"But I had girl problems! You know what I mean?" Alice looked sorrowful. "Are you going to punish me because I put out the effort to maintain cleanliness?"

The principal was taken down a notch. "My apologies. Alice, you may return to your classroom." Emmett tried to walk off with Alice.

"I said Alice." Emmett turned around. "But I had girl problems too!" He squeaked.

The principal glanced at me. Good heavens. Now he was going to try to be funny.

"Emmett…" I warned. Now was not the time.

"I apologize Sir. I was just debating where the gym coach might be. I thought I might be able to try out for the wrestling team." Good save son.

The principal smiled. Emmett's bulk would be welcome in almost any sport. "Well, that's mighty considerate of you. I was just talking to your father about your brother." There's that evil sparkle in Emmett's eye again.

"Oh him?" Emmett sighed, looking worried. "I worry for his well-being sir. His frustrations seems to be taking a toll on his mental balance." The principal looked concerned, turning to me.

"Mental balance? Is your son alright? Is his step-mother alright?"

I nodded. "We're all in very good health." Except for being dead. "I don't believe Edward is under any unusual amount of stress. Maybe Emmett should go look for the coach." I heard Alice's small giggle from around the corner.

"Oh! But he is Dad!" The principal looked very concerned. "You see, he feels…frustration because his girlfriend, Isabella Swan?, is pushing their…physical boundaries. She wants to jump his bones!"

The principal blushed. "Young man, you watch…"

I wanted to hit Emmett. Pranks set aside, we had to stay undercover. "Emmett, I think it would be best if you left."

Emmett shrugged. "See ya Pops. Bye baldie." Emmett went in the same direction Alice had. The principal tried to discreetly fix his toupee.

"I'm concerned. Physical relationships at his age could ruin your son's life!" He put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm counting on you, as the wonderful physician you are, to talk to the young man."

I nodded. This man was like a episode of Oprah and Tyra Banks put together. "I will do that."

Down at the other end of the hall Bella ran down. The principal sighed. "We'll have to talk later."

He went at a jog after Bella.

What would happen if Bella got hurt? I had to follow.

_BPOV:_

I couldn't breathe. Everything but Edward's physique was blacking out.

He was so _big__! _His thighs were perfect, and he looked so strange! (No pun because he's naked)

"Bella!" Edward ran back into the shower, and I heard something rip. Everything blacked out, and I felt the floor rushing up to say hello to my face.

_Principal POV: _

I followed the brown haired girl into the locker room. She was in trouble if the coach wasn't in there!

I heard what I think was fabric or plastic rip, and I shoved open the locker room door.

"What!" I screeched.

A naked, except for a shower curtain wrapped around his lower section, Edward Cullen kneeled on the ground next to what must be an unconscious Bella Swan.

"Young man! Let go of her!" He lowered her to the gym floor. "Sir—"

Carlisle Cullen was suddenly there. "Edward?" He gasped.

Edward merely looked at Carlisle, mumbling something. Mr. Cullen shook his head in what I hoped was shame.

"What have you done to her?" I moved forward.

"Carlilse! DO something!" I yelled at the Doctor. I was going numb with shock. Not in my school! Nuh-uh!

Carlisle Cullen kneeled down next to Ms. Swan, checking her pulse. "She'll be fine in a few minutes." He looked back at me.

Little filthy troublemaker. Starting a nudist colony, & with the police chief's daughter, no less!

Edward covered a smirk, shaking with silent laughter. I was absolutely furious.

"Young man! My office now!" I pointed my finger to the locker room door.

"Do you expect me to parade around in nothing but my skin?" He said in that oh-so-reasonable tone.

"It didn't bother you before! We have some clothes in the front office." I gritted my teeth. Damned Cullens. Maybe I'd go parade him through all the rest of his classes. Doing who knows what in public!

Edward looked at Dr. Cullen, who shook his head. He sighed, glancing at Bella.

"I'll carry Bella to the front office." Carlilse bent down and picked up Swan.

"Hmm?" She barely opened her eyes. "Carlilse?"

"How are you feeling Bella?" I took Cullen by the arm, man was he cold,leading him towards the door. He seemed obsessed by that girl.

Maybe he was just cold because he was in his birthday suit. Ahh, a birthday suit. I remembered when my wife met me at the door one day with nothng but that plastic wrap…her granny wings flappin'…

Edward's upper lip curled in disgust at something. I pulled him along faster.

"Alright. Where's…" Bella started. Edward glanced back. We heard a giggle.

Mrs. Cope, from the office, was walking down the hall. "Oh Edward, how…" She took in what he was wearing. "Don't ask." I rolled my eyes.

_EdPOV: _

This was probably the most humiliating moment of my life.

_Hmm. Naked 17 year old hottie…stop. He's your son's age! But look at that a. ShiverWhat I wouldn't do to…_

Mrs. Cope rushed forward and hugged me. "Mrs. Cope!" The principal yelled.

_Oh he's so built! Is that a hammer in his pocket or is he just glad to see me? Hehehehehehehehe._

I pulled away from her, not even glancing back at my lovely girl. Oh Bella, I'm sorry.

She waved, going on her way. "Support your school now Edward!" I tied the shower curtain tighter.

_Edward, son. I'm so sorry. I'll make this up to you. It was Emmett, wasn't it? _He waited for my almost inperceptible nod. _I'll help you, don't worry. Emmett is in so much trouble! Embarassing my chaste son to an old pervert like that!Shudder I'll tell Esme. She'll kill him for this. She hasn't even forgiven him yet for denting her floor._

At least I now had Carlilse and Esme on my side. I would've prefered Alice, but it was alright.

_O-o-o-o-h-h-h-h E-e-e-e-e-e-d-d-d-i-i-e-e. (Oh Edie in singsong voice)_

Alice.

_You look so ridiculous. _She was leaning up against the wall, out of the principal's sight. _That's why I brought…_

I turned around.

Snap. Snap snap.

"ALICE!" I bellowed. The principal gripped my arm tighter. "Hush." He thought he was pulling me along.

She had just gotten pictures. Of me. In a loincloth-shower curtain. Dear Sheep. Like Bella wasn't enough with her scent and beauty.Now she was going to have naked pictures of me.

We came to the office.

Knowing Alice, she would have them on the website. The principal brought me into his office. He went over to the cabinet and took out a massive pair of pants and a tank top.

"Here." Pointing towards the bathroom. "You have 3 minutes."

That long?

I sighed, and went in. Bella's face was so red I could feel it from behind the closed door of the bathroom.

I changed and came out. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap…

"Mr. Cullen." The principal had his hand on a chair. "Sit."

I sat.

My father came and sat on the couch in the room while The Man went and sat behind his desk.

"The first day of Spirit Week and you are already putting pictures of yourself on PowerPoint so the whole school can see you. Now you are naked with an unconscious girl." _And about to do who knows what to her. Poor Bella.Her father is going to kill this perverted son of a –_

"Emmett took my clothes and I was looking for a towel. Bella walked in and fainted." I couldn't use my eye trick on him, he wouldn't appreciate a gay perverted kid hitting on him.

The principal considered it. "Sounds like Emmett…" He muttered.

I nodded. "Bella is too delicate. Emmett endangered Bella." I was going to get that perverted son of a—

"I will punish Emmett when we arrive home." Carlilse sounded dangerous. "Make no mistake about that."

The principal took a step back. Humans were wary of us, even though they didn't know why.

"May I take him home now? With my son?"

The principal nodded. "GO." His hand was shaking.

Emmett was about to die.


	4. Afterwards: Only the Start

**A/N: Not so funny. Filler. Sorry. There will be hilarity in the next chap or two; promise. ******

**Chapter Four: **

_EmmPOV: _

I ran towards the car with Rose. According to Jasper, Edward didn't find his being naked funny.

We jumped in the M3 and revved home. "GO Rose!" She floored it.

I heard Edward roar. I turned my head out the window and stuck my tongue out at him behind us.

"Emmett! Your ass is grass!" He was absolutely fuming. Hehehehehehehe.

He gritted and pushed his legs more.

Rose swerved, going around the bend and parking in front of the house.

I was out by the time Edward tackled. "You…" punch, "Do you know what you've done?!" He got my nose.

I snickered. "What? The principal like what he saw?" Edward was up and threw me through the glass wall. Esme was going to kill him man!

He cursed under his breath. My Rose ran into Edward.

"You have no sense of humor whatsoever." She held out her perfect hand and I used it to hoist myself up.

Edward was destroying the trees.

"Does Edward have PMS again?" He turned on us. "Charlie is going to…" He shook his head violently.

We walked back out through the jagged hole. Rosalie glared at Edward. He narrowed his eyes at my angel.

"Leave her alone." I growled back.

He moved towards Rose and I leaped on him.

I held him to the ground. Good thing I'm big.

"Emmett!" He thrashed. I heard a car coming. Carlilse.

"You embarrassed Bella! Charlie is going to freak out!" Oops.

Edward was the only one supposed to be embarassed. I never thought about my little human friend. Poor Bells.

Edward pinched his nose, and I got off him. He was up.

I didn't mean to get Bella in trouble. I'm sorry Edward.

He didn't even glance at me.

"Emmett, are you truly sorry?" I nodded. "When Charlie finds out go apologize. We'll never see her again otherwise. I asked Alice."

Sigh. I sighed. I guess I could. Bella was funny when she tripped. And broke stuff. And injured those around her. And her car was funny.

Edward turned and stomped into the house.

Rose glared at me. "You're going to go beg the old man to forgive her? Geez." Rose sneered. "Emmett, it was a prank. She will forgive you. It's not like we need more time with her anyway."

"Rose…" I loved my little human. She was so funny. "I shouldn't have involved her. And I happen to like Bella."

She turned away from me. "Stupid filthy brunettes…" She marched into the forest.

I went to apologize to Charlie.

BelPOV:

I drove home.

That was perhaps the most embarrasing moment of my entire life. Well…except for Edward.

He was so hott! Oh how I wanted him…

Charlie. Oh no.

How was I going to explain the phone call? The principal had been making it as we had walked out.

Poor Charlie. What have I done to him? He might have a heart attack.

He'd ban Edward from the house forever. I couldn't take more months of that.

I almost started hyperventilating right there on the road.

I pulled up at home and got out.

Explanation…explanation…

I don't know. What was Edward doing naked in public? Another girl? No. He wouldn't.

I bit my lip. Tears started pooling. There could have been another girl for all I knew.

I unlocked the door, threw my bag down, and sank down onto the couch.

Don't panic. Edward loves me. He didn't kill me.

I was okay again. I put the pillow over my face, leaning on the rest.

Charlie's cruiser pulled up into the drive.

I sat up fast. Quick. What?

He opened the door quickly, standing there awkwardly and _staring _at me.

"Bella!" He closed the door. "Dad…I didn't know he was in there."

Charlie shook his head. "That boy dosen't come in my house. Never. You can see him at school."

"Dad." I stood up too.

"What were you doing?" Charlie was yelling. "The boys locker room? Your little stalker was naked Bella! What do you expect me to think? You were supposed to be in class."

The door knocked. Charlie's face was beet red. He opened the door. "Boy--"

Emmett looked huge against Charlie. It was almost humorous.

He looked sad. "Sir? May I come in?" Charlie looked so stunned he just moved out of the way. Emmett's bulk had a way of doing that.

His eyes were downcast, not looking at me. Oh no. Edward? I sat down in the chair. What happened? Was he leaving? Not even going to say bye this time?

"Sir…you heard about the locker room."

Charlie's eyes narrowed. He nodded.

"That was my fault." Charlie's face managed to darken. "I took his clothes, met Bella in the hall, and sent her his way."

Oh thank goodness. Now that I think of it…that's funny. I managed to stifle a giggle.

Charlie's face was blank, and lessening in color. "It was a prank?"

Emmett nodded. "Bells walked in, and sort-of fainted. You know how she is."

Emmett came to apologize? What did Edward do?

"Well…" Charlie was confused. He couldn't really punish Emmett. Or ban him. That wouldn't really work. He was rarely over here.

"Did you plan for Bella…?"

Emmett shook his head, looking relieved. "No sir. That just sort of happened." He looked at me. "She was wondering where Edward was. They have a class together."

Charlie sat down slowly on the couch. "You promise not to do that again?"

Emmett thought for a minute. "Yessir." He looked considerably better.

"So can Edward come over?"

Charlie nodded, looking like he was in pain.

"Come on Bella. Can I talk?" I followed Emmett outside.

"I'm sorry you got involved." I hugged him. "It's ok. As long as I'm allowed to see Edward."

There was a silence. I looked up at him. He seemed to be concentrating. "You're not planning, are you?"

He didn't answer that question. "Guess what Alice is giving you as a present?"

Oh no. "A new closet with revolving sections."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "That's our next house silly."

He grinned as big as I've ever seen him. "We got my old virgin brother on film."

I laughed. I felt sorry for Edward, but this was too silly.

"What is it?" Emmett was teasing me.

Emmett shook his head. Giggling. "Seriously. We got pictures of him in that vinyl shower curtain. Priceless."

I kissed Emmett's cheek. "How is he by the way?"

Emmett pursed his lips. "Rose is mad. Edward beat into me, until I got him down. Then I came over here. He worries about you 24/7 it seems." I shrugged. "I'm a walking disaster."

Emmett nodded. "We know."

I sighed. "So is he coming over tonight?"

Emmett waggled his eyebrows. "Big plans? You liked what you saw huh?"

I slapped his shoulder. "Stop that. He always comes over. Charlie doesn't want me to go out right now, if I had to guess."

Emmett snorted. "Sissy. I'll talk to him."

Emmett tossled my hair and ran on into the woods.

I went inside and did my average menial tasks. Would Edward come over? What did it mean if he didn't?

I did my 'human moment' and climbed into bed.

I felt my window open, the wind blew in.

An arm snaked around me. "Hello love." Edward kissed my cheek.

"Edward!" I said, too exuberantly.

"Sshh." He kissed my mouth.

"Are you ok?" I clung to him. I imagined him naked. Stop that.

Edward ducked his head into the meeting of my neck and shoulder. "Bearable." He murmured.

I put my arms around his neck. "Emmett apologized to Charlie."

I felt him smile. "Yes, I saw the instant replay. I came over to make sure he did it."

Why didn't he come in? Was he embarassed?

"Quite humorous in fact, once the urgency is removed." He kissed along my shoulder.

"Are you embarassed?" He didn't answer. "Edward?"

"Yes…you can imagine." I blushed. What if it had been me? I would've gone to the hospital.

"It's late love. You need sleep." He pressed his lips to my red cheek.

"Well I can't with you like this." He grinned.

I settled down and snuggled up to my vampire love. Things couldn't be better.

**A/N: Awww. Review. I command thee to go forth and press the purple button. Bottom left. Drop down list. See it. Good. Press go. Write something. Thank you.**


	5. The Destruction of Mike Pt 1

Chapter Five: Voting Time

**Chapter Five: Voting Time**

_EdPOV: _

Dear heavens. They had a table for the nominations for the date-day thing right when we walked into the cafeteria for lunch that day, obnoxious signs and all.

"Bella, why don't we go eat outside? It's particularly warm today…" The Cooke walked up.

"Hey Bella!" Mike. I wish I had a cookie cutter. "Who are you going to vote for?" _Me, the stud man. You know you want it baby._

"Sorry Mike, I don't think I'm going to." Ahh, my sweet, sweet angel.

"What?" His entire face fell, and his eyes flitted quickly to me. I felt like sticking my tongue out at him. I chuckled.

"I don't like this at all." Bella squeezed me with her arm. (It was around me)

"Well, I was going to vote for you--" Bella's eyes opened wide. "That's okay Mike. You don't have to."

_She's shy. That's so cute. She wouldn't have to be so shy with me. I bet he's an abuser or something. _Mike pictured a very vivid picture of me telling Bella she wasn't pretty.

Anger rose up in me as sudden as my thirst usually does. I clenched my mouth together, my body tensing. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…

"Well, I have to go talk to Alice." Bella clung tighter to me. "See you later."

Bella tried to steer me towards the table. I wasn't through yet.

"What's the hurry? Maybe Mike would like to sit with us." Bella looked like someone had slapped her, but no one ever would because I would kill them the second they thought it.

Mike blushed. _That blonde stares at me a lot, maybe I could make my girl jealous…._More images. Damn Rose.

"All right." He followed us as I took Bella through the line and paid for her pizza and water.

The table was empty when the three of us sat down, me next to Bella, who was across from the Pest.

Damn Alice. She's probably seen this.

"Hey." Emmett sat across from me. Mike cowered in his seat from the sudden appearance of my mountain of a brother.

"Hi." He squeaked.

_Why does Mike get to sit with them? _That Jessica has nothing to do but whine. Always.

_Maybe I could sit… _She was looking at our table. I glared at her, and she turned around quickly.

"So Bella, do you have plans this weekend?" Mike asked.

"Hey Emmett, what do you think? Are clingy people more likely to get a date, or less?"

He grinned. "So much less. There's no appeal, man." Mike's mouth tightened. _Damn smartasses, I wasn't talking to you…_

"I'm sorry Mike, is there a problem?" Emmett threw in a small growl at the end. Mike looked down at his Gatorade.

_Mother little stupid steroid-taking assholey wanna-be _It went on from there.

"I was actually wondering when that Jacob guy, with the bike you know? Was going to come back around?" _So there Cullen._

Bella shrugged. I studied her face for a moment.

_Hey man. I'm going to vote for that Lauren girl. Maybe she'll win and someone will have to spend the day with her._

Emmett picked himself up and walked away.

"So Mike. You're in sports?" Bella asked, looking at my face. I knew what she was wondering, why did I invite Newton back over?

I smiled at Bella. She fiddled with her water bottle. It was awkward.

_Having fun, Edward? Jazzy says the frustration rolling off that boy is horrible! _I shook my head slightly. Alice.

_Want me to embarrass him? I could take him shopping…and him never come back. _Haa. My favorite sister.

_But since Bella wouldn't like that, how about some gansta' clothes?_

Images of Newton running around in see through full body bubble-wrap hit me. Alice telling Newton it was 'so hot and in fashion. Bella will totally love it.'

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Bella and Newton both stared at me.

"Sorry. I was thinking about that time you told me that Mike couldn't pitch a tent with Jessica, remember?" Mike colored deeply, as did Bella.

Bella didn't discuss things like _that _with Jessica, for which I was grateful. But I had seen him morning about it right before she had broken up with him. For the aforementioned reasons. Besides, Newton would never ask Jessica.

Emmett graced us with his presence again. "Did I hear my brother say pitch-a-tent?" Emmett grinned. Of course he had just heard the entire thing.

"Yes, we were talking about the reasons Jessica and Mike are no longer an 'item', right Mike?" I was grinning. And Mike was getting redder.

"Umm…" Bella looked at the mumbling boy pitifully. "It's ok Mike. It happens."

Mike looked at Bella with renewed hope. _I may have to kill Cullen, because his girlfriend loves ME best, and he probably knows it. _

"Why are you so clingy dude? Don't you have that Lauren chick? I heard she was pretty loose." Oh Emmett. Ha-ha-ha-Newton.

Mike stood up. "Bella, you want to come to my locker with me?" He shot daggers at me and Emmett, who reached his fist out for a bump, which I happily hit with my fist.

"Umm, sorry Mike. But see you in Gym." Yeah! Mike was G-O-N-E!


	6. Chapter 6

Just so y'all know, Jasper **will** be coming into the story, as will the rest of the characters. I'm working towards that in the next chapter or two.

I've Got It Planned. Sexy-back Jazzy is on his way!


	7. Finally, The Jazz

Chapter Six: Preparations

**Chapter Six: Preparations**

JasPOV: (back in class from lunch)

Alice blanked out. A vision.

Every time she went into 'vision mode' people looked at her strange. Just like now.

I glared at the little blonde chick. She gave a barely audible "Squeak" and turned around. Ha. The Jazz Man wins again.

Alice was back. She leaned against my shoulder. We were watching some movie about the Revolution of the Canadians from France.

She whispered in my ear. "Edward is going to be so happy! Eric, Tyler, What's-His-Face, oh it's going to be good." She giggled.

"Cryptic remarks like that do nothing for me. Explain please."

Alice just shook her head. "Sorry. You'll love it more if I don't."

Ok. I guess I could handle that. I fiddled with her hand resting in mine, running my thumb over the side of hers.

The movie was flipped off. "Students, you do remember that next week are our standard annual exams." Groans filled the room.

"Enough." Mr. Dansbury walked to the front of the room. "Starting Monday, you'll be in exams all day. So, I suggest you just chill out, prepare this week, and study. Is that understood?" No one answered.

"Sir? I feel dizzy. May I go to the nurse?" Alice chirped from next to me, waving her hand in the air.

The guy just nodded. "Take someone with you." She grabbed my hand and pulled me outside.

"That's it! I know exactly what to do now." Alice bounced up and down. Well…

Alice looked at me slyly. "Not now. We have too much to do today." She led me back down the hall.

We were headed towards the lunch room. Alice put her hands on her hips, staring out at the cafeteria. Now to think of it, I needed to hunt.

"Jazz, we're going to need extra-sharp pencils. Oh, and probably…" She ran her hand along the table. "Maybe some wax."

I raised my eyebrows. "What? Why"" She sighed. "I told you Jazzy…"

"You can't tell me." Alice could be so frustrating.

"Edward will do everything else." Oh dear Stonewall. He couldn't take down Alice with a secret.

She smiled. Her emotions were off the wall. Happiness, gratitude, excitement, overwhelming joy…

"Dear, you're giving me a migraine." Oh my head.

"Sorry." She snuggled close to me, wrapping her tiny arms around me. Her little head lay on my mid chest-stomach.

I kissed her head. "Come on. Let's just skip out. I'm going to need to hunt." Alice nodded into me. "Maybe something else…."

I giggled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Wednesday and the Candidates**

_EdPoV: _

I drove Bella to school, cringing when I say all the school colors everywhere. imagine yourself-idk

I got out and held the door open for Bella. _Bella won Bella won Bella won Bella won Bella won Bella won….._

Mike Newton. I briefly closed my eyes. "What's wrong?" Bella squeezed my hand. "I can't protect you."

She tilted her head ever so slightly. "What from?" I gestured my head towards the Running Cookie. "That."

Mike Newton never learned. "Bella, they posted the results! And you won!" He moved to hug her and I pulled her out of the way.

"Bella is giving hugs away too—you know, help spread the spirit." _Like her and me at my house, a little R&B on, some scented candles, girls like those….they don't smell too bad. I'll have to try that the next time I…._

"Mike." I intercepted. Thank heavens he stopped thinking for a moment. I knew what was coming next. "I would appreciate it if you would go check to see if you're on the list too."

His whole face brightened. Apparently, he'd never thought of that.

He ran away, silently squealing in his head.

"You know, If Mike really is on that list, it wouldn't be a bad thing." I picked my Bella up, squeezing her gently. Oh that was my last hope!

She laughed. I set her down, my hand on the side of her face. "I love you, remember that. No matter what happens next."

"Edward, stop that."

"What?"

"The masochistic nature of yours. I'm going to Emmett to beat you up if you enjoy hurt so much."

Wow. My angel was getting tough. What a turn on.

"NOOOOO!" Mike Newton yelled, and Bella turned her head. So she could hear it too, huh?

_Crap crap crap. How did Tyler get on the list? Now Bella will never think I'm hot! I wanted to see her jealous._

I threw my head back and laughed. Bella looked confused. "Tyler got on the list instead of him." Bella hid her face in my shirt, shaking with laughter.

Alice winked at me from across the parking lot, laughing with Jasper.

The bell rang. I took Bella to her class, kissing her before she went in. I went back outside, looking at the list.

**Year**

**Student Name**

**Number in Auction**

**Junior**

Alice Cullen

10

**Junior**

Jasper Hale

11

**Senior**

Rosalie Hale

12

**Senior**

Emmett Cullen

13

**Senior**

Tyler Crowley

14

**Senior**

Edward Cullen

15

**Senior**

Bella Swan

16

All Students are applauded for their involvement…yada yada yada.

Bella was last. That gave me more time to murder Mike. I wish he were the one being auctioned. He wouldn't be able to bid.

I sighed, putting both hands against the brick wall. I hit my head against the wall, and heard a crunch. I opened my eyes.

There was a dent. I tried to mush it back into its rightful place. It was alright. A problem for the Student Council.

I headed to class. The teacher pretended never to notice. The whole school was abuzz.

_Edward, you can't murder him. You're going to have to figure out a different plan of action._

I know Alice. I know.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Five:

**Chapter Nine: **

_Jessica POV: _

Not another beauty show. Gosh. What a surprise the perfect Cullens got on. Edward with his precious Bella. She wasn't even hot. She looked like a mouse with a stone marble statue she couldn't climb.

That blonde Rosalie chick got that awesome hot Emmett though. Oh what I could do with him! Him or that delicious blonde brother. Edward must be gay.

From across the room, I saw him clench his pencil hard. It snapped. Must be waiting to get home so he could play some pocket pool.

He turned around and glared at me. He was scary, for some reason. It sent chills up my spine. Like he could suddenly snap and kill me.

Ok. Never mind. Delicious lanky blondes made my mouth water. His perfect hair flipped in the wind this morning, it was awesome!

Bella was going to be so embarrassed when no one bet for her tomorrow! She is such a loser. L-U-S-E-R. With a capital PU. She always smells like rotting flowers. Disgusting.

I looked down at my page, with my perfect J-Man looking at me from the picture I'd taken when he'd gotten out of the car that morning. Am I a stalker? I don't know.

When the bell rang for the day I headed home. Edward spun out and found Bella. Looking like the gay-sensitive thing he is. Awww. Snort.

My perfect Jazz was there too. I hid in my car and watched him kiss that little pixie. Is she legally able to have a relationship? Maybe my man was a pedophile. Oh well, he's so hot it doesn't matter. I took a few more pictures.

Emmett came out too, with that bimbo-blonde on his arm. Snort. Whore. Her mother probably was a prostitute for Charles I.

Edward turned around and saw me taking pictures. I spun my car around and got the H-LL out of there!


	10. Here It Starts

**Chapter Ten: Thursday Morning**

_BellaPOV: _

I woke up to someone tickling my ear. I tried to shove against it. "Well, if you want me to leave…" Came the angel's voice. I sat up quickly, knocking my head against Edward's stone shoulder. "Oww, oww, oww…" He pushed me back down gently, and I heard that familiar sigh. "Oh Bella…"

I peeked up at him. The light made him look like a fairy-tale prince. I bet he never hit himself on anything…

"Good morning." I said. He laughed. "You don't have to look so absolutely miserable about it." He pulled my hands from my head, kissing the bruise underneath the hair. "I just thought you might want to wake up before your first class."

"Can I have a human moment?" He moved his arms from me, relaxing on my bed. I got up and headed towards my little bathroom. It was tiny versus the Cullens', well, everything.

My shower made my bruise a little less noticeable, always a bonus. I left my hair down so Edward could twirl it. It wasn't bad-looking today.

He was still there under the covers when I came back in, with his head propped up on my pillows. "Trying to sleep? Oh my man is in such denial."

He rolled to his feet. "Cute." He took a strand of hair in his cold hands, bringing his lips down to my forehead. His sweet breath swirled around me, and my legs started twitching. His other arm wrapped around me.

"Do you want to skip today? I'm sure we could come up with some excuse. Though even Charlie knows about the little auction." My legs started feeling loose. Him being so close, I couldn't breathe.

"Bella?" My legs collapsed on me, and I fell. Edward held me up, carrying me back to the bed. "My silly girl, you have to breathe. Isn't it involuntary for most humans?" I rested against him, cursing my human-ness. "You, though, have to be told to breathe. Oh no, she can't kiss her boyfriend without passing out. She has to fall down even more than usual."

His lips pursed, in thought. Probably cursing _himself_. "Edward, it's just me. It's not your fault…well…maybe if you weren't so…" I couldn't say it. I was blushing already.

His eyebrows raised. "So…?" He wouldn't let me budge off the bed. "Don't we have Hell to get to?"

"Probably, but that can wait." He stared at me with those gold big eyes. "You know, Edward, you hear it all the time."

"I want to hear you say it." A smile twitched on the side of his lips, and he knew that I knew that he knew I saw it. "You're too sexy." I blushed like a giant rash on a summer day on a beach. Ow.

Edward threw back his head and laughed, it echoing around the house. "Come on, Hell is waiting." He was laughing as he packed me in the car.

He sulked on the way to school though. He had my hand firmly, squeezing it ever so often. "Mike won't win me. I bet you've already paid everyone off." He glanced at me. "Did you?" I gasped.

"Mike wouldn't take money." He pursed his lips. "I did think about scaring him, but Alice informed me of the police's involvement, and I don't think Charlie would like that."

My face was still in shock, how could he have gone to Mike, with money to buy him off? He seemed to realize how in shock I was. "Alice has visions, she saw what I was planning, Bella? Don't be upset…" He soothed, bringing me close. I let out a breath of release. "Oh thank goodness." He chuckled.

He escorted me into the building. There was a flurry of activity, everywhere. "Edward, I'm scared." I whispered to him. He pulled me close. "Can you believe I am too?" He murmured in my ear.

This was so silly. What was the worst Mike could do to us? A shiver went up my spine. Who was going to get Edward? Jessica was psycho-stalker over Jasper, and half the school each wanted Emmett or Edward…who all was allowed to participate?


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Dum Dum DUM! (Thursday)**

_EdPOV_

During the last two classes of the day, right now, was when I would have to see Bella go off with some other guy. Damn.

I had my hands in my pockets, looking over the heads of these children to find my girl. I saw her coming from the doors.

I ran to scoop her up. Well, not ran. But jogged.

"Bella." I breathed. I buried my mouth into the place where her head is connected to her neck, with that delectable scent just pouring out.

"Hey." She wrapped her tiny arms around me. How I loved this woman.

"Everybody's heading to the gym." Bella turned her head, flushing red. Embarassment?

"What are you thinking?" I am such a nosy old man. I should be spanked. Shut up! No time! No fantasies right now!

"Someone is going to get you." She mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Only for a few hours. You should be relatively safe." I closed my eyes. Bella was never safe. I should hit myself.

Alice bounced across the room with Jasper. Not that he was bouncing, but he was walking with her.

I tuned in to Alice.

_Sweat baby sweat baby_

_Sex is a Texas drop me_

_Can you do the kind of stuff that only friends would sing about_

_So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts…_

_Get horny now!_

Ok. Enough with that. She was definitely blocking me. I shot her a glare, and she giggled.

Bella watched me. "Is there a problem?" I sighed, "Alice is blocking me…with an interesting choice."

She cocked her head to the side. Before she could ask I put my hand on the back of her waist and guided her forwards towards the gym. "At least it won't be the Cookie that gets you." I said quietly.

"What?" Bella stopped. "Who's the Cookie?" Damn. She heard me. I shook my head. "Tell you later."

Bella's brow was furrowed. I grabbed her wrist and followed my siblings behind the curtain they'd rigged up.

All the students were on one side of the gym, in the bleachers. A curtain had been rigged up, from the locker rooms to the other wall of the gym. We would come out of the locker room, behind the curtain, and to emerge when called. Pure Hell.

We went into the Ladies Locker Room, meeting the Principal in there. Emmett and Rose were there, making out. Of course.

Alice and Jasper were sitting on one of the benches, demurely holding hands. So much nicer. The contrast was humorous.

I went, pulling Bella with me to one of the benches nearer to the non-exhibitionists. They could make even me feel nauseous. ExR that is.

Bella wouldn't let it go. "Is Mike Newton the Cookie?" Alice and Jasper were giggling inside their heads. I stuck my tongue out at them when I was looking at them. Bella didn't see.

"Why do you call him the Cookie?" I sighed. "Bella, we're about to be forced apart, let it go." I pulled her close. Like I'll force the bread off the inside fruitiness. Mike. I chuckled malevolently inside.

The Principal stepped forward. "Mr. Crowley is here." Tyler sat on the bench nearest the Principal.

"No matter who wins you, I expect you to take it in good fun." _No teenage brawls between jealous rivals over these young ladies, or the boys for the matter. Though the red-head looks sort-of gay…_

I Do NOT!

"Be nice, and maybe even flirt with the winning bidder. Understood?" He turned back around. "Ms. Alice, you're up first. When you hear me say your name, please come out." Alice followed him out.

"It's like going off to war, a'int it?" Jasper shook his head.

Alice pattet his hand. "At least we aren't Emmett and Rosalie." Emmett pulled away from Rose.

_Like you can stand these little boys checking out Alice's pants. I saw the gym teacher totally checkin' her out…_

"Like you can stand these little boys checking out Alice's pants. I saw the gym teacher totally checkin' her out."Shallow pond, man.

"_We thank you all for coming…" _Boring. No more of that man's thoughts.

"We have half an hour." Alice was still blocking me with translating the Dead Sea Scrolls into Swahili. Odd.

"There's a bunch of tension out there." Jasper fidgeted. "You alright?" What is he hurt one of those stupid gossips? Alice would let us know that though.

"They're working on my nerves." He shook his head.

Alice kissed his cheek. "It's alright. You won't." They seemed to be psychic with each other sometimes. What with her seeing the future and him feeling her feelings.

Rose and Emmett were all physical, but there was love to the extreme there too.

None of it matched mine for Bella though. She had her little head on my shoulder. So sweet. I really out to make her a wreath or something to put on her head, with roses and flowers…

Blood will spew from whomever attempted…_no thought_…they had the right to lay a hair on my angel. I will kill them if they hurt her. I will rip their heads off and let Jasper have the kill.

That's going a little far. If you saw any of it, I'm sorry Alice. She shook her head at me. _Stupid Edward. It's ok._

"Ms. Alice Brandon Cullen." Was going through the principal's head. So it begins.

A/N: I had a thought. Would Edward like Bella's sweat, because it's her concentrated form of her scent? Random. I know. Oh and the song was "we aint nothin but mammals" though you might want to think twice before googling it. It's one of my top 10 weird songs.


	12. The Auction

_**Disclaimer: Not mine. Sob.**_

**Chapter 12: The Auction **

_EdwardPOV:_

'_Ms. Alice Cullen, a Junior, and the bidding starts at…' _So the bidding goes. Jaspersnarled inwardly. I shook my head at him. Bella was still hugging me, and I belive smelling my shirt.

"You know what would be funny? If Alice went really cheap. She doesn't like anything cheap." Bella smiled against my shirt. I smiled. It would be good to rib her later.

Jasper shook his head, inwardly smiling. Alice would see him laughing though if he did anything else. And burn _The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy_ book he enjoyed. It was a strange one.

'_Alice Cullen goes to Millard Shaft!' At 120!' _I laughed out loud. Millard Shaft was almost as pale as us, he wore pale green spandex pants, an afro, and a dog collar in leopard print.

Jasper sensed me. _Who man?_

"Mill…(laugh)…Millard Shaft." Jasper threw his head back and laughed too.

He stood up. "Guess I'm next." HE shook his head. "I feel SO much better."

Then he was out the Gym door to the bidding.

Bella looked confused. "What's so funny about Millard Shaft?"

I told her how a few years ago his butt-hair had caught on fire in a Chemistry class. She, with Rose, started laughing.

"It's not funny." Emmett had a stern face. Very grave.

Rosalie just stared at him. "Why? You're supposed to be making some joke about smoking through his butt."

Emmett shook his head.

Then he showed me the answer. "That happened to you?" I laughed. He nodded. "Our house caught on fire and it was either my brother's face or my butt."

Ok. Laughing was over.

"So you had hair on your butt?" Bella giggled. Emmett rolled his eyes. "Just skin baby, just skin. Hurt though."

'_So Ms. Jessica Stanley wins the bid at 75!' _Dear Heavens.

"Stanley just got Jazz." Rose bit her lip to stop from laughing.

Bella went into an almost shock. "That poor guy."

"I'd like to see what happens if Jessica starts groping him in front of Alice." Emmett chuckled. _Wanna bet it happens?_

"Deal." No way Jessica would grope him in front of Alice. Behind closed doors, hell yes, but not in front of a psycho pixie.

_600?_ I nodded. Rosalie watched Emmett's face.

"If you two are betting I want in." She stood up and walked out.

Emmett hunched forward, staring at me and Bella.

"What?" He could be so obnoxious.

Bella's stomach growled. I stood up, "Do you want something from the vendign machine?" Bella sighed, "Sure."

I walked to the back of the room, pulling out some money from his pocket. There was a Snickers bar in there, that might be ok….

_BellaPOV: _

Emmett pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me.

_**I owe you one, don't I? When you go home, under your sink is a CD. Do NOT watch it when Edward is around, understood?**_

Emmett motioned for me to hide the paper. I did, stuffing it down my shirt where Edward had no chance of finding it. Unfortunately.

_Emmett POV: _

Edward came back and gave Bella the Snickers. HE had no idea. Alice knew her stomach was going to growl right then. I so owe her.

Edward looked at me hard. Trying to decipher brother? Not a chance. Nener nener nener. Hahaha. Your girlfriend saw you na-ked. (in a singsong voice)

He rolled his eyes. Oh my poor prude brother. Can't enjoy nothin'.

He grinned. "Mike Newton just got Rosalie." WHAT? DAMN HIM. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Bella looked up. "Really?" They started kissing.

"You call me and Rose bad." I was still mad. I got up and walked outside.

I stood behind the curtain until the guy called my name. Then I walked out.

Jasper and Alice each sat by whom had won them. Mike 'Cookie' Newton sat as close as my princess would allow him--2 feet. She was so loyal.

I grinned at her so long someone won me. I started flexing for the girls. Oh the calls!

There was a group of 4 girls, all bidding together. They won the stud man! Oh yea!

_Edward POV: _

Tyler came out of the bathroom, where he'd been for the past 4-5 minutes. He waved, and headed out.

I was still kissing Bella from the pure relief that Mike Newton wouldn't be getting her. SWEET!

She felt relieved too, apparently. What a woman!

Tyler got bidded off. I placed one last kiss on her. "Be safe, k? I'll see you when you come out."

I stood up and headed out. I stood next to the Principal for a moment. I hated this so much.

Alice was laughing so hard it made ME want to laugh. What was she so happy about? That doesn't bid well for me.

Bids called out all around me. One voice called the highest. One I knew well from cooing at me.

"300 dollars!" My mouth actually dropped. I hate Alice.

Mrs. Cope was in the last row. Heads turned around. She was waving money in her hand.

"Well, there's no rule against it, as long as you have a proper relationship…" The Principal was debating whether or not it was moral to pimp me out to Mrs. Cope for the much needed money.

She squealed. Yes, squealed like a mouse that's seen a cat.

Except I think I'm the mouse. With me smelling like cheese and ham. Damn.

_BellaPOV: _

Who got Edward? I don't even know.

I headed out the door. Edward was moving to sit down, looking as disturbed as when he found out James was after me. Serious stuff.

"Ms. Bella Swan, starting bidds." I stepped out. Edward sat with his head in his hands, next to _MRS. COPE? _WTF?

Edward suddenly shot straight up from his seat, but not standing up.

His head swiveled to the side of the gym.

"50 dollars!" "53!" "57"

"100 dollars." Came a big voice.

I saw what Edward had been looking at. There was big brown, muscled Jacob Black.

Oh…my...Gosh…

**A/N: Was that ok? Too predictable? Ideas for dates appreciated. **


	13. Alice Part 1

**Chapter : Alice**

"Poor Jazzy, you don't think she'll try to kiss you, do you?" He seemed way too calm for what he was about to face. Her permanent record showed she once got do jealous of her classmate she shaved part of the other girl's head.

"You're worried?" He smiled, chuckling a little. He did not understand.

"She's a stalker!" He sighed. "I realize that, dear."

"How can you be so calm?" He took my chin in one hand and pulled my lips to his. After a breathtaking kiss, "One. I love you. Two. I'm already dead. Three. Worse case scenario, I can have a nice snack."

At my horrified face he quickly apologized. "I didn't mean I would eat her. She probably tastes like pidgeon. And the one time I ate a bird it was like eating candy. Don't worry."

I kissed him in as fierce a way as I could. "If she shaves your head I'm going to kill her."

I got out of the driver's side, with Jazzy getting out the other.

Ooh. Random thought. What kind of shoes would make Bella the happiest? I searched my visions. Damn. Flats.

"See you after school." My husband smiled at me. Oh look at that hair. We were like opposites, weren't we? Dark and black hair, giant and blond. And sexy. Meee—OW!

He chuckled and winked at me as he walked away. He knew what I was feeling.

I sighed. I was told to meet Millard Shaft near the water fountain. He was going to go to half my classes, me to half his. Har-de har har.

I stood near the locker and saw the mess coming towards me.

He was very nasty looking. He had a mole on the end of his nose, sure to touch whatever fool would kiss him in the future. His whiter than blond hair was very frizzy and poofy, now that he had taken off that wig to try to impress me I would guess.

His mouth was way too big for his face, in a bad comic sort of way. His eyes were poop-brown. I can't say it any other way.

Today he was wearing low rider jeans, and a pimp-daddy jacket. He wore 10 or so necklaces, weighing down his neck. He was trying to be cool, but getting many awkward stares.

"Hey baby." He was trying to deepen his voice. "We going to crack down on this place or what dog?" I could just stand there. I mean seriously.

The bell rang. "Time for class." I had to control my voice. "So let's go." He reached for my hand but I moved away from him towards where I'd _seen_ his first class as.

Biology. Perfect. Not.

He sat next to me. I suddenly realized he smelled. Like dead werewolf in its own poop. But dead werewolves were an occasion to celebrate. This was just a crime against nature.

"Maybe you can stop breathing on me?" Geez, he was even a mouth breather. He grinned, showing GREEN vampire teeth. WTF!

"Don't do that." I sighed. This was going to be a long day. At least I would see Jazzy at lunch.

The time crawled. Tick………………tock……………..tick……….tock.

LUNCH

I ran down the hallway towards the cafeteria, desperate for my guy. Millard was rather fast actually, keeping pace about 2 inches behind me. Being a good looking octopus is one thing. Being a nasty looking old-type Band-Aid was another.

And he was a whiner. "Al-lice!" He yelled. I was in the cafeteria. There was Rose sitting across from Mike Newton, who had a bruise on his cheek. Interesting.

Bella sat at a table with woof-woof man, who ate like a pig. Haha. Woof-woof-oink. That was kind of funny. Emmett would laugh.

Speaking of Emmett. He was acting like a pimp. He sat surrounded by 4 girls, while the lucky one got to go through the lunch line for him. They were cooing and rubbing his arms. Rose just glared at him from across the room.

His jeep was SO about to get totaled by her sharp nails.

Where was Edward? Oh vision.

Edward sat in the teachers lounge surrounded by cooing old women. Mrs. Cope liked to reach over and shove his shoulder. Hmm….

Jasper smiled at me from next to Jessica, whose hand was twitching. Most likely from wanting to squeeze my Jazz. I knew my hand was. Millard grabbed my arm (ewww!!) and sat me down at a table.

"So, I think I love you." He said this like saying hello, or What a nice day, right?

I took out my phone. I had Mrs. Pacman and World Poker Tournament for games, and an Internet connection to see clothes. I went to Chanel's website.

"Uh-huh." Millard moved I think, and he started hugging me, and managed to kiss me once on the ear. I screamed.

Jazzy stood up across the room. I shoved Millard onto the floor.

I think I started crying. He wrinkled my shirt! I could never wear this shirt again! He touched it.

Jasper had his arm around me. "It's ok, it's ok." He was kissing my cheek, and my hand.

"He hugged me!" Jasper made me stand up, and took me outside.

"I can't let you stay on this date. I can go talk to the principal."

I nodded. My mind was in total shock. That creep hugged me!

Jasper went off and I sat there. This might actually turn out to my advantage. While everyone else was on their date…..

Jazz was back. "I paid off Millard, and you're free for the day."

"I think I might skip and go take a shower." I kissed his cheek. "Thank you baby."

He kissed me deeply.

"It's what I'm here for." He grinned.

"It could be worse." I smiled too. "How?"

"We could be Edward, or Emmett when Rose gets to him." We stood out there laughing for the rest of lunch.

--

What to do now? Hehehehe. Wait. I couldn't plan with Edward near. Just to be safe.

A/N: I will have a second Alice's pov chapter later, but I can't let you see my master plan yet, can i? I've already got half of Jasper's up, so it shouldn't be 2 long b4 I update 


	14. Jasper's School Day

**Chapter 14: Jasper**

Alice was worrying for nothing. Jessica was a teenage meat sack, she was nothing. And I had always pretty much assumed our hair was as indestructible as the rest of us.

I said goodbye to her and went to my locker, shoving in all the junk and taking out that notebook.

Too bad Alice and I didn't have time before school to….

Sigh. Oh well, there was always later.

Jessica was staring at me. I didn't need to be Edward to know what she was thinking.

She waved happily at me, grinning from ear to ear. Her teeth had just a slight yellow tint, probably unseeable to humans. Eww.

She shook her hair out, trying to be _sexy_. Lol. That was a good laugh.

Now her hair was humongous, and out of control. This was funny.

I saw Alice run from down the hall with Millard behind her. Oh my poor baby. If he tried something I'd…

Emotions were something I lived with daily. But the sheer force of Jessica's…affections…were jolting.

"HI JASPER." She was practically bouncing up and down like Alice did, just without the sex appeal. Sigh.

Didn't help my thirst either, hearing her heart speed up.

"Hello." Be nice to ladies. Damn my being a Southern gentleman.

"So, where's your first class?" She was twirling her jacked up hair around her finger.

"AP Biology." Her heart missed a beat. "Ok."

She wasn't carrying any books. Hmm. Not the studious type, were we? Or maybe stupid or lazy.

We walked to the class. She stared at me the whole time.

I couldn't tell her to go to hell. That'd be rude.

Where was Emmett? We had this class together.

Oh there he was.

I sat in the back, Jessica on my right. Emmett was sitting at the table to the left, with his dates fighting for the chairs on either side of him. There were 3 chairs to a table, this could get interesting.

He sat there grinning in the middle watching the girls almost literally wrestle over one chair.

Duh. There was another chair. What was so special about the one on the right?

He caught my eye, mouthing 'girlfight'!

I had to laugh with him. It wasn't until the class was filled that the teacher entered, and rolled his eyes.

"Girls, sit at the table in front of Mr. Cullen. Now." They pouted, still throwing punches. But they sat in front oh him.

Jessica touched the sleeve of my shirt discreetly, and maybe I wouldn't have noticed if I were human. She also scunched her chair closer to mine.

"May I ask…?" I turned my head. She blushed, "I just wanted to touch you." Her eyes glanced at my hair and back to my face.

Embarassment. A little sadness. And maybe hope?

"I am dearly in love with Alice. You know that, I'm sure?"

She blushed and turned forward. "I just wanted to be near you." Her voice was choked.

I hesitated. Was my thirst in check? Yes, if she didn't get too close.

I gently laid my hand on her shoulder. "I sorry to have hurt your feelings." She was warm, like Bella, like all humans.

She wiped her cheeks, "I know about Alice, ok? I thought maybe you could like me."

"I think you're funny." Which was true. She made me laugh when she called Edward gay.

"I have to ask, is Edward gay? He doesn't seem to kiss Bella, and he doesn't really look at girls much…"

I burst out laughing. My hand was off her shoulder.

The teacher glanced at me, and I quieted some. He was putting some movie on the projector.

"Well, if he dumps Bella, you'll know for sure." Emmett was shaking silently too. I could just almost hear what he was thinking.

"Hey Jasper, be sure to think about this conversation around him, k?" Emmett was grinning. It was too low for the humans.

I nodded, looking at Jessica. She wasn't half bad, for a kid.

"Maybe he'll go for one of the big guy's whores." I covered my mouth, glancing at Emmett. He had his head in his arms, barely muffling his laughter.

Emmett's 'whores' turned around and saw him laughing.

The blonde sporty one turned aroud in her seat. "What's funny? I wanna know!"

Emmett just laughed harder. The teacher glanced up, but he wouldn't say anything to Emmett. Too scared of him.

His dates shot me dirty looks. I just grinned and looked back and Emmett. He reached across the space and we hit knuckles. Awesome.

Class passed pretty easy. Jessica kept staring at me and Emmett and his dates shot me dirty looks. Yup, attention. Just what I crave. Snort.

We split from Emmett and his cronies and headed to our next couple of classes.

Jessica walked less than an inch from me at all times. It was odd. And not very safe for her.

My throat was burning. I'd have to go hunting soon. This weekend maybe?

We walked to lunch. I went and sat down as Jessica went to get lunch.

Ahh. There came Emmett. He sat down, being grabbed by those girls. Rose was across the room, and I felt her fury from here. Emmett knew, but he thought her anger 'sweet and cute' or something. They put that passion somewhere else later. _Shudder._

Alice and I would be gone by then.

I felt bad for Edward. Hehehe.

Alice was looking so downhearted I had to smile at her. Alice's eyes tightened at the edges towards Jessica. Hmm…

That sicko Millard grabbed her arm and sat her down.

I saw him talking to her, her probably shopping on her phone. When he hugged her, and she cried, the last thing I remembered was _don't kill him_.

I pulled her away from him, putting my arm around her and holding her hand in the other. "It's ok, it's ok."

"He hugged me!" I felt the disgust and horror rolling off her.

"I can't let you stay on this date. I can go talk to the principal." I went back inside and met the principal. "Sir?"

He turned around, holding papers outside the office.

"Yes?"

"My girlfriend, Alice, you know she was on a date with Millard Shaft? He inappropriately touched her and upset her." I made it sound like he _grabbed _her, but oh well.

"Oh, well…" The principal was full of confusion. "Maybe I could just pay you whatever he paid?" The principal nodded, taking the money. "I'll give it to him later. Thank you Mr. Hale."

I went back to Alice. "I paid off Millard, and you're free for the day."

"I think I might skip and go take a shower." I felt her kiss my cheek. Not now boy. "Thank you baby."

I kissed her deeply. I couldn't hold back much longer. "That's what I'm here for." I grinned. Along with other things. "It could be worse." Like him _grabbing you. _Then I'd have to kill him.

"How?"

"We could be Edward or Emmett when Rose gets to him." We stood out there laughing for the rest of lunch.


	15. Angry Roses

Hey guys ive been busy lately. AP clases :0 Sorry 

**Chapter 15: Rose**

Chanel shoes. Check. Jeans. Check. Tank top with jacket. Check. And my hair was perfect of course.

Flip. My hair WAS perfect. All shiny and beautiful.

Aww. Emmett looked so cute in his pants. You just wanted to squeeze those dimple cheeks. And not on his face. RAAW.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and turned around. He grinned. "Hey Rose."

I smiled back. "Come on stud." We got in the car. Emmett leaned forward and messed with the radio. Jim Croce's "You Don't Mess Around With Jim" played.

I sighed and backed out. When the song finished, he changed the CD to "Roller Derby Queen" and sung along.

"She was 5 foot 6, 2-15, beach-blonde bomber with a streak of mean, she knew how to knuckle and she knew how to scuffle and fight."

"Rolley Derby Old Gran' said that she was built like a 'fridgerator with a head…"

"Emmett." He turned his head, still thumpin his head.

"Why are you singing about a fat, mean girl?" Emmett blanked. "What?"

"Some unattractive, skank." Emmett's mouth opened slightly. "It's a cool song."

"He falls in love with some girl hitting people with her elbow? That's not nice."

Emmett looked at me. Then he shook his head and just turned it up louder.

Hmm. Fine.

I turned into the parking lot, Emmett belting out lyrics. Sigh. Ostentacious.

I leaned over, and kissed him hard. Yeah, the big lug. Yummy.

He laughed. So did I.

"Watch out for Newton. Bet he got the clap." I shoved him a little.

"Emmett!" Laughing. "Don't come home diseased, ok? I like to stay pretty." He got out of the car.

I laughed, throwing a pencil at his head. It got stuck in his hair. I laughed harder, getting out and locking the door.

Emmett swished his butt at me, and I swatted it. He stuck another pencil in his hair. "Good place to keep 'em. I won't lose 'em so much now." He grinned. I took his hand. "You are so cute."

He swung our hands between us, trying to strut like one of those girls who can't really strut, you know? LOL

I laughed. Then Emmett snorted with laughter again. "What?"

He jutted his chin. I turned my head and saw Mike leaning up against his locker. Waiting for me? How sad. What a man-bitch.

I rolled my eyes at him. Emmett leaned over and gave me a kiss. A KISS. Whew. He pulled away, saluting me as he walked away. He even game me another swish of that butt.

I sighed and went over to my locker, waiting for Mike to come over.

He did. He leaned against my locker, trying to look cool. I actually snorted out loud.

He pushed his lips together. "So….I got History first."

"K." I flipped my hair, brushing it in my mirror. I put all my crap up.

I slammed my locker human strength.

"Let's go." I stood back, waiting for him to move. He started walking awkwardly, waiting for me to stop scowling probably.

Hey. I didn't ask to get bid on.

He held the door open for me, and I went through. He was seated in the middle of the room, and I took some guy's seat next to him. The guy kept walking. He better.

Mike kept glancing at me. I wanted to snarl at him. But that wouldn't be _human_. Errrggh.

The teacher started lecturing about something, and I started drawing on Mike's book. He let me, though I saw his hand twitch.

I felt like I was being watched, but not like usual. I didn't want to draw anymore. I lifted Mike's book with one hand and was handing it to Mike when that dog J-something ran by the window. It startled me so bad I ended up slamming Mike.

He fell over, and his chair crashed to the floor. Oops.

He had a big purple bruise on his cheek. "Oh man. I'm so sorry." I offered him a hand. He used it to pull himself up. The teacher scowled at me, and I smiled at him. Done.

Wow. That was some bruise. I kept looking at it. I could swear it was growling at me. I took the end of my pencil. Damn teacher kept going on about something.

I took the eraser and poked that monster. It turned vampy-white! And then back to purple-black. Damn.

Mike put his head in his arms.

Hmmm. What does that mean? I rolled my eyes inwardly.

Time drowled on. Tick…………..wait……not yet……………………………………………………..tock. Ugh.

I missed Emmett already. He would be telling me how nice my butt looked, and make some joke about Mike's bruise, and how the alien babies were going to pop out of his face………………..

I sighed. Emmett was in PE or something right now. I just wanted to see him again. He always made me laugh.

Mike tapped me on the shoulder. "Hmm?"

"Time for lunch." Sure enough, it was noon. What the hell? Had I been on automatic/Emmett time this entire time? Damn.

I stood up a little too quickly, and startled the boy. We went on into the lunchroom and sat down.

Those whores! Bitches. Skanks. Bitches. Horrible filthy smelly humans. Die. Die bitches. Die putas. Die!

Emmett just sat there smiling. I was going to claw that smile off his face. Then I was going to tear him apart and let him rearrange himself. But those putas were going down first.

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR.

Emmett. I'm going to kill you.

She touched Emmett. I glared at the blonde. She blushed. I tilted my head, making my gaze more fierce. The girl looked scared.

Good.

Emmett's Jeep was going down. And that nightgown he liked. And his cajones. Definitely.

Emmett finally looked at me. His whole face blanched. He tried to smile at me, but he must know how angry I was right now.

I heard Alice scream, but I was planning how to kill Emmett. Being a pimp! Oh! They kept touching him! That's what bothered me the most.

I know Emmett just likes to laugh. But letting them rub their arms and hands and – well, a few other things on him was a different matter!

Growl. Grr. Mike poked my arm. "Are you ok? You look like you want to—" I turned to see him. He hunched down in his chair.

I stood up and went outside. Mike didn't follow. Good.

I went out into the fresh air and breathed in and out. It helped.

I went back inside and dented the lock in Mike's locker. He couldn't open it now without a crowbar. Haha. Now quit buggin' me perv. I know what you've thought about Bella.

Hmm. Where was Edward? That creepy teacher….that can't be legal? Can it?

I sat on the bench by the door. Waiting. I was going to kill my husband. Well, sort of. He could put himself together…………………


	16. Emmett the Pimp

**Chapter 16: Emmett the Pimp**

Hey. Football. I sat on the couch and flipped between Giants and Packers' games. Ah it was awesome. Why don't vampires have football games? That would be freakin' awesome. The speed, strength, aww….

I looked over. Was she done yet? Rose was swishing her hair in the mirror. I stood up and slung the bag over my shoulder. I grinned. "Hey Rose."

She smiled back. "Come on stud." Hmmm………

I followed her to the car.

Ooh. Jim Croce.

Rose pushed the pedal. The song changed, kind of sad. Hmm. Change.

Yay.

"She was 5 foot 6, 2-15, beach-blonde bomber with a streak of mean, she knew how to knuckle and she knew how to scuffle and fight."

"Rolley Derby Old Gran' said that she was built like a 'fridgerator with a head…"

"Emmett."

"Why are you singing about a fat, mean girl?" What?

"What?"

"Some unattractive, skank." My mouth kind of moved open. It was such a cool song. The man falls in love with a big old strong woman. The hacky sack momma.

"He falls in love with some girl hitting people with her elbow? That's not nice." Well, you killed six men. Haha. Wait. Can't say that.

I just shook my head and turned the song up louder. She looked kind of pissed. Hehe.

I got an unexpected kiss. YAY.

I laughed when she pulled away. She did too.

"Watch out for Newton. Bet he got the clap." She shoved my shoulder.

"Emmett!" Squeal again baby. Hehe.

"Don't come home diseases, ok? I like to stay pretty." I got out so she couldn't smack me again.

She laughed, throwing a pencil at me. It was stuck in my hair! "Good place to keep 'em. I won't lose 'em so much now." I grinned. She looked me up and down. "You are so cute."

I swung our hands. We were so better together than Edward and Bella. She was funny though. I started trying to walk like I saw Bella the other day. There was Mike. He was leaning up against his locker, trying to scratch his butt so no one would see.

She laughed. "What?" I motioned my chin towards Mike. She looked over and rolled her eyes.

Hey Mike, check this out. I gave her a bedroom kiss. You know, you KNOW? Lol.

I smacked her on that butt when I walked away. Where were those girls?

They were surrounding my locker. Dang. They had already spotted me. Dude, stalkers man.

I kind of shoved past the one girl, and opened the thing. I shoved everything in, shut.

"Hey Emmett, I'm Lizzie." That was the blonde. The other two were brunettes, one red head. The red head was kind of pretty. Must be popular.

"Hi I'm Jen and this is Sarah." The two brunettes. "And I'm Lucy." Redhead.

"K." I shrugged. I grinned, "Guess it's Bio first, right?"

"Ok!" Lizzie kind of bouced down. Hmm. I might have to make her smell Edward's underwear later. She was kind of annoying.

No. Jasper's. He really sweated emotional changes. Lol.

Sigh. I ruled.

If I really were a pimp, I probably couldn't get a lot of money for the blonde, and that Jen girl. Hmm.

If I were a pimp, Pimpin' Emmett. The Great E! HAHAHA. Sigh. I would pimp out ALICE TOO! OH THAT IS SO AWESOME!

Not Esme though.

I COULD PIMP OUT EDWARD TO THE GAY GUYS! YAY! He could make me even richer than I already was!

"Hey, did you hear me?" Lizzie smacked my arm. "Isn't my butt the highest you've ever seen on a girl?"

What do you say to that?

"The squirrel had a better one. In the parking lot? He had an ass to tell about."

"What?"

I laughed. "Yes you're butt's nice." No guy is looking, but yes.

"Hey, Emmett?" Lucy put her hand on my shoulder. Lizzie put her arm through mine, and wouldn't let go. Damn hoe.

"What are you thinking about."

"Gardening."

She looked at me. "You know. My step-mother asked me to go to the store and pick me up some hoes and maybe a rake."

"oh. Alright." She smiled at me. She started rubbing? My arm? Hmm. Creepy.

"Emmett! Can I sit next to you?" Lizzie tried to sit next to me. Jasper wasn't here yet.

"No! ME!" Sarah tried to push Jen away. All of a sudden there were all these girls fighting over this one seat. I sat down.

While they were fighting over the seat to the right of me, there was one on my left.

??

Why didn't they just sit down next to me on the left! I started laughing like crazy.

Jasper and his date, Jasmine? Jessie?, walked in, and sat at the table next to us.

I mouthed "girlfight" at him, giving him the little fist in air happy-signal.

The teacher cleared his throat. "Girls, sit at the tables in front of Mr. Cullen. Now." They pouted, and did move their seat. 3 girls sat in front of me, and Sarah to my left. Jasper kept getting touched by that weird girl. Was she crying?

"I have to ask, is Edward gay? He doesn't seem to kiss Bella, and he doesn't really look at girls much…"

I burst out laughing in my head. I'd made enough jokes about his asexual-ness.

Jasper laughed too. "Well, if he dumps Bella, you'll know for sure." I bit my lip so hard it was starting to hurt. No more laughing, no more laughing.

"Hey Jasper, be sure to think about this conversation around him, k?" Could you imagine his face? LOL.

"Maybe he'll go for one of the big guy's whores."

I had to put my mouth on my arm, biting down. I could still hear my own laugh booming out.

Lizzie whispered, "What's funny? I wanna know!"

I just laughed the harder. Lizzie was sticking her tongue out at Jasper. LOL.

After that class the chicks kept hanging on me. Lucy loved to touch my back, and Lizzie liked pushing herself on my arm. Dude, her shirt was so low I think I saw….you know!

I just avoided looking at her period. She had a big freckle square on her nose.

Hmm. It was shaped like the freckle Rose had on her butt. Interesting.

Sigh. Rose. I missed her.

Every class the girls fought over the chair next to me. It rocked.

We went on to lunch.

We sat over by the wall. The girls surrounded me.

Darn Lizzie. Stop touching me.

"Lizzie. Quit touching me!" She cringed. She was looking at Rosalie across the room. Mike must be making her really annoyed.

Rose left the room. Hmm.

"I mean it…" Sarah was talking to Jen. Lizzie kind of sat back. Where was Rose going?

"So Emmett we went to the mall, me and Sarah you know, and there was this girl who was all like bitch I'll kill you and we were all like bitch you better back off and…."


	17. Jake The Destroyer

**Chapter Seventeen: The Destruction of Mike part Two**

Sigh. There was nothing to eat in the fridge this morning. I needed to go shopping.

Edward sat at my table, looking as depressed as he would if I told a kid I'd taken away his puppy.

"Edward, are you alright?"

"Do you have any idea what goes on inside that …." He glanced at my face, sensing my surprise.

He brought me to sit next to him at the counter. He put his arm around my waist and kissed the side of my face.

Edward rested his head on my shoulder as I ate.

Was Mrs. Cope the problem? Or was Jacob? I couldn't tell.

"Edward, it's ok." He didn't move. "Hey." I touched his face, trying to make him move. Dang.

I sighed. He sat up. "We need to leave." He sounded so depressed.

"Mrs. Cope won't hurt you." He looked me square in the eye.

"Don't you know me at all? You think I'm worried about that old woman?"

"Yeah, I know." I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt as we walked outside.

He helped me in the car and we were on our way.

"Edward, you know I love you."

He rolled his eyes. "I know."

"What are you so angry about?" Edward furled his brow.

He shook his head. "Edward…"

"He isn't as innocent as you think. He doesn't just think of you as a 'friend', and you know that. He takes it to the level, well almost, he isn't as bad, of Mrs. Cope concerning myself. Bella…"

I looked out the window. Jacob couldn't be THAT bad. Mrs. Cope was a freak. Jacob was my friend, and I wasn't that much to look at to be honest. Edward on the other hand…

"I don't like him around you."

Edward pulled into a parking spot. He got out, and closed my door for me.

He took my hand and walked me into the school. The silence was weird, strange, uncomfortabe.

Edward sighed.

"Oh Edward! There you are my boy." Mrs. Cope came up to us when we entered, almost immediately.

"We're going to the office." Mrs. Cope grabbed his had with amazing speed, tugging him away from me. Edward blew me a kiss

"Horrible boyfriend stealing old ladies." I mumbled under my breath.

I went over to my locker and stuffed everything inside. I took out the couple of binders I would need.

"Bella!" Jacob picked me up, squeezing me. He was getting looks from every person in the hallway.

He was just so damn big!

I struggled for breath. He heard the sound gurgle in my throat and set me down.

"Wow, you wore a shirt today." He was wearing the cutoffs and a blue t-shirt.

"Shoes too."

"I'm so proud." I smiled.

"Yay." He grinned wide.

"So, what's going down at the rez."

"I shoved Leah into a mud hole."

"That was not nice." I smacked his arm.

"She's not nice." He muttered.

"Jake…"

"Fine." He rolled his eyes. He grabbed my hand, "So, where to?" He grinned.

I pulled him along towards Spanish. (if that's not the first class-tell me)

We sat near the back, no one could see over Jake, ever.

"Hola, Senor. Como te llamas?"

Jake looked over at me. "Hey Bella…."

I laughed. "Say 'Yo soy Jake."

"Yo soy Jake."

"Bien, Senor." Senora walked away.

"That was rough." Jacob laughed.

"You don't take Spanish over there in the rez?"

"Don't have to." I glowered at him.

"That is so not fair." He grinned, "I know."

He pushed his seat back as far as he could, but his legs were still pushing up the desk.

He turned to the side, and his legs stretched out into the aisle.

"Hey, dude, move." That snotty girl whose name I COULNDT remember kicked Jake's ankle.

Jake grinned at her. "Grrr…" He kind of growled at her. She rolled her eyes and gave him the finger as she sat down in front of him.

Jake chuckled under his breath. "Mess with me will ya…"

Senora started the lesson and I was watching Jake. He rolled up little wads of paper, and as soon as Senora turned her back to the board, started putting the little wads in her black hair. The paper got all twisted up in her hair. Jake started pulling strips of paper and was that a pencil??

"Jake!" I tried to get his attention. He just grinned.

He sat back in his chair and grinned at his handiwork.

"Bella, who is that?" Jessica whispered from in front of me.

"Jake." I laughed. The girl with the black hair turned her head.

She just glared at us all.

"Bitch." Jacob stuck his tongue out at her.

"Filthy dog."

Jake let out a loud laugh, and Senora turned around.

"Be quiet or leave." Jake covered his mouth and nodded.

He was still laughing. The girl swung around in her chair, the paper flew out of her hair, and hit Senora who was coming towards us.

"Senorita!!" She was pulling paper out of her hair. "OUT!" She pointed outside.

"What?" Black-hair glared at Jake. She saw the pencil and the paperclip and some lint in her hair.

"YOU ASSHOLE." She stood. "You'll pay." Jacob fell out of his chair, laughing.

I put my hand over my mouth. OMG. Jake sat with his back against the chair leg.

The girl kicked Jake in the foot, stalking outside.

I was barely breathing I was laughing so hard.

"You two as well." Senora escorted us out. "You will not make up the work for today." It was so worth it.

Jake hugged me. "That was so fun. Thank you for making her angry." I grinned up at him. He high-fived me.

We went out to his Rabbit and listened to some obnoxious song for the rest of the period.

Is that 'It's My party"?

I asked him. He shrugged. "Today all my records keep dancing all night…"

"It is!"

He rolled his eyes.

You know what I think? I think Emmett and Jacob would get along REAL well. Could you imagine? April Fool's Day. Shudder.

We went on to each class, and in every class he managed to tick someone off.

Oh dear Mike. When Biology came….

Hmm. Mike was nowhere to be seen.

We went on to lunch. He walked with my hand in his, which usually was ok, but everyone who knew Edward, (and who doesn't know Edward, come on), looked at me like I was dirty.

Jake didn't care though. He just set us at a table at lunch.

He went to get lunch, and brought back a giant pile. He gave me a plate with a sandwich, apple, some pudding or something…

"You want something else?" He was scarfing the crap down.

"No. That's….ok."

I wondered what Edward was doing. Poor Ed. Mrs. Cope was probably torturing him.

Something happened with Alice. Hmm. I should ask her later.

Did Mike have a bruise? Rose looked ticked.

Rose walked out of lunch. Mike waved at me. I smiled and looked away. Damn. Too late.

Mike sat down next to me. Jake was across from me.

"Hey Bella." Jake started grinning. He took a swig of juice and cleared his throat.

"Hey Mikey." Jake winked at him.

Mike froze. Jake laughed.

"Umm….hey…ah..Bella." Mike looked scared now.

I guess he didn't want the man-attention from a 7 ft bodybuilder werewolf guy.

"So how did you get the bruise?" I asked. Did Rose hit him?

"Ah…Rosalie kind of hit my on accident, but I'm ok."

"It looks like alien-bugs are about to come bursting forth from it, because you're the parasite's host." Jake snorted.

"Jake!" I couldn't believe he was being so mean.

"Too bad your gay buddies are gonna have to work around your putting your face…."

"Jake! That's enough!" I threw a roll at him, and missed.

Jake growled under his breath.

Mike stood up. "Guess I'm gonna leave."

"Bye. You can stop crying over Bella. The list is me, Edward, several dead zombies, then Angela the witch, then you if you were gay."

Mike bleached red, and ran out of the cafeteria.

Jake smiled and went back to eating.

"What? Your blood-- um…Edward, told me what he thinks about you and his prissy ass is just sick."

I crossed my arms and sat back. I missed Edward again.


	18. Edward's Lover

**Chapter 18: Edward's Lover**

I sat at Bella's counter, waiting for her to finish her meal.

Today was going to be so horrible. The mutt, the …._woman_. Ugh. The only one worse would have to be Mike, and was I glad that I'd told Jacob about that…..what was the word?

"Edward, are you alright?"

I glanced towards her face, "Do you have any idea what goes on inside that…" Bella looked surprised. Interesting. How many times had I told this girl?

I put my arm around her waist and kissed the side of her face.

I rested my head on her shoulder, hoping to stink up the mutt's day.

"Edward, it's ok."

"Hey." She touched my face, and sighed.

"We need to leave." Bella stood up and picked up her bag. "Mrs. Cope won't hurt you."

I turned, looking her in the eye. "Don't you know me at all? You think I'm worried about that old woman?"

"Yeah, I know." Bella fidgeted with the hem of her shirt as we walked out. She seemed upset. Was she jealous? Hmm….Surprisingly nice.

As I drove, Bella turned to me. "Edward, you know I love you."

I rolled my eyes. "I know."

"What are you so angry about?" I felt my brow furl.

I shook my head. "Edward…"

"He isn't as innocent as you think. He doesn't just think of you as a 'friend', and you know that. He takes it to the level, well almost, he isn't as bad, of Mrs. Cope concerning myself. Bella…"

She looked out the window. That pup disgusted me with his misguided attempts to take my Bella.

"I don't like him around you."

I parked and opened the door for her.

The school was almost silent today, except for the mindless thoughts.

_Where did that idiot go...There he is. Damn Newton. "Emmett…"_

_My hair looks too good to go on a date for Newton. Maybe Jasper could have him. _

_Look. Dulcolax! My problem will be fixed! AT LAST!_

_Where did that dog go? Ssshh doggie. I can't take you home yet. Stay in the bag. What did you just do! Bad dog!_

_Power Rangers is the best show I've ever seen. And it's educational too….._

_There's my little sexy teenager. Look at the way he tenses around that girl. Is he gay? Oh well. I think he's hot. _Damn Mrs. Cope.

I sighed. Here she was.

"Oh Edward! There you are my boy."

"We're going to the office." She grabbed my hand from Bella's and pulled me. I blew Bella a kiss as I was kidnapped.

"Horrible boyfriend stealing old ladies." I laughed. Bella was so cute.

Mrs. Cope opened the door for me to the office, and practically shoved me in.

I sat down in a chair next to where she usually sat. She giggled as she sat down in front of her computer. I saw her fat jiggle.

"So Edward…" Mrs. Cope turned towards me. "Is that nice Swan girl your number one girl?" _She better not be. I'll give her so many absences she fails._

Geez. What a creepy old lady. "Yes, she is actually. We're very close, and I love her dearly."

_Oh that means she's a slut and let him do stuff. What a whore. Oh well, these guys always go for those types of girls._

I cleared my throat. The old woman spoke again. "What would you like to do? We have all day." _Oh buddy boy yes we do. What I wouldn't like to do with you…_

"Would you show me your computer? I've never been one for technology." Maybe she would back off some without looking at me.

She pulled up her computer and started chattering about something. I focused on Jacob.

"_Hey dude, move." I grinned at her. "Grrr…" _The mutt thought he was so funny. 'grrr'. Geez. _[Picture] The girl's black hair was longer than her entire back. It was real thick. My hands rolled up paper and rolled it around her hair. Also, whatever else was on the desk. Too bad I didn't chew gum…._

I did have to grin at that. That Eliza girl was such a nuisance. Always sending Emmett 'special' texts.

I was glad to know that dog-boy was preoccupied with something other than Bella's ….um…stuff.

Sigh. What did that woman just ask me?

"Edward dearie, give me your hand." She moved to pick it up and I moved as a reflex. She was stunned for a minute at the speed. _WTF WTF WTF_

Oops. "I'm sorry. What?"

"Do you know how to use the Internet dear?" Oh dear heavens no.

_You know, I believe I saw that big guy on a website once. Too bad I can't remember which one. I'd download that picture babe!!_

EEMMMMEEETTTTTT!

I was hit with sudden images of my brother. Oh my heavens. I was going to tell Rose. I swear. When was he ever on an explicit website? Now I have to sit here and hear this …….!!

"So do you watch sports?" Mrs. Cope snapped out of her drool daydream.

"Uh..no…na..not really." _Clear your mind. He's too young. _

Thank goodness. "Alright then, how about music?"

She smiled. "I doubt you would be interested in my kind of music dear." _Akon is so hot…but is Chris Brown hotter?_

Wow. I thought she was going to say Steely Dan or something, who knew?

The lunch bell rang. "Come on dearie." _Yay, I get to shove it in Clarice's face that I got the redhead boy in my clutches. Hehehehe. _

I stepped a foot or so away from her.

_Edward sat in the teachers lounge surrounded by cooing old women. Mrs. Cope liked to reach over and shove his shoulder. Hmm…._

Oh no. This was not going to be good.

I waved Cope forward so that she couldn't watch my butt as we walked to the teacher's lounge.

There were about 4 older women, most with librarian-glasses, inside gossiping.

_Wow is that a Cullen?_

_Nice ass. _

_He so dyes that hair. I wish I could get mine that color. When I did it ended up like orange color from Scooby Doo's Velma. _

_He should wear chaps. I just wanna spank him and make him call me mamma. _

W O W . What the crap is going on with that last lady huh?

I don't want to know.

_My husband wouldn't wear the wig. Damn him. _

???

I zoned out. I sat down and they all surrounded me.

Rosalie knows better than to hit humans.

_Those whores! Bitches. Skanks. Bitches. Horrible filthy smelly humans. Die. Die bitches. Die putas. Die!_

_Emmett just sat there smiling. I was going to claw that smile off his face. Then I was going to tear him apart and let him rearrange himself. But those putas were going down first._

Maybe I wouldn't tell Rose about Emmett's porn adventure.

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR.

Maybe she ought to leave school.

Emmett needed to settle down. Rose was going to kill him, and she might destroy my piano. Bella always looked so cute when she sat there with me. I'm glad I knew how to play just for the fact that she loved

_SKANK BOY I LOVE YOUR ASS!! Show it to me!_

What?

I snapped out of it. Mrs. Cope was massaging my shoulder. She was holding a doughnut in her other hand. She wanted me to eat it perhaps?

"Come on Edward, eat the doughnut for me." She crooned. "No than…"

She SHOVED IT IN MY MOUTH. I started to gag. I went into the bathroom and got it out. I think I swallowed some of it.

Ugh. Now I wanted to regurgitate.

I cleaned most of it out, and flushed.

I headed back outside.

"Did my Eddie-Poo have to use the bathroom? Did everything come out all right? You didn't fall in?"

Geez lady you can't leave me alone can you?

I exhaled. "Would you excuse me ladies? I have to have some fresh air."

I walked outside, breathing in the fresh clear air. It helped clear my head.

"Oh Edward, are you alright? You seem upset. You didn't even eat your doughnut."

_My fantasy number one sex machine. Too sexy for anything you little boy….._


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: Dinner**

EPOV:

Finally, school is over! Now, where is…..

There. _Damn bloodsucker. Oh wait, he can hear minds…Hmm…You look like a girl, you know that? I keep expecting you to go cross-dresser, did you know that? Start getting that other guy to be your bitch, maybe get a wig…_

Grr. I grit my teeth. He grinned, tightening his arm around Bella. Grrrr. Bella finally found me and looked uncomfortable. She sort of struggled away from Jacob.

_Well she is MY date for tonight, isn't she? HEHEHE_

Double damned ass-hole sniffing dog!

Bella pulled away from Jacob and ran over to hug me. What a sweet girl.

_Bella grabbing {my} ass, kissing me. _

I pulled away a little from Bella to growl under my breath at him.

"Jake, stop it!" She twisted around.

"What?" He shrugged at her. She scowled at him. So cute. Scowling at an oversized werewolf.

"I think it's time to go home Bella."

_I get her all day you sorry filthy SOB. Don't make me get the principal. _He started laughing.

I grit my teeth. "So how was your day with Old Frisky?" Bella looked up at me. "Was it horrible?"

"Edward man! Did you see me and Em? It was…." Jasper slowed and stood several feet away from us. "Need us to move him?" Emmett put a hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"Excuse me boys, is there a problem?" The principal walked up.

"Me and Bella were just going out for dinner, but Edward here seems to have some sort of problem."

"No I thought we were all…going out to dinner tonight!" Emmett yelled the last part.

_Good idea man. I saved his ass! _

Ok…

"Well, that's nice."

_Damn Cullen. I don't want to eat with vampys watching every move I make and one hearing what I think. Oh wait. DAMN Cullen! #! #!Q#! !Q#!Q! OUT OF MY HEAD!_

I grinned at him.

I saw Alice and Rose by the office.

_We just told Mrs. Cope about Emmett's invitation to dinner. You're welcome. _

I pulled Bella a little tighter against me. Maybe she could protect me.

"We're all going out to dinner?"


	20. Dinner

A/N: for the restaurant choice I chose somewhere where Jake would eat, and a restaurant actually in Port Angeles. I hope there is one with an outside seating  Sorry if that's my mistake.

**Chapter Twenty**

**Carlisle**

"Yes Alice. Alright." Esme played with my hair, shuffling it from side to side.

She hung up. "Well, dear, she said not to wait up for them." She laughed. "Cute."

I spun around and hugged Esme to me. "Well, no more coffee for you then or you'll be up all night."

"Oh haha." She smiled and rolled her eyes. "You want to play Monopoly?"

"Sounds fun."

**Jasper**

Emmett is a bastard. A son of a bitch bastard. DINNER of all the brilliant ideas.He grinned at me and I scowled. Emmett and his whores went inside for something.

We were up here in Port Angeles at Bushwacker. Good thing they had outside seats or the humans might see a vampire puke his guts out from werewolf-itis.

Jessica and I were seated outside at a large round table. We were moving more seats together to make room for everyone. Damn she moved slow.

"So, how many people are coming?"

Hmm. "There's Edward, Bella, Emmett and 3, me and you, Millard Shaft, Mrs. Cope I believe, Rose and Mike, and that mu— rez guy."

"This is an expensive dinner."

"Not more expensive than any time Alice goes to the mall." She laughed. I cried inside. Was Edward driving with Mrs. Cope?

**Ed POV: **

"Oh Edward dear let me drive please. I have much more experience behind the wheel." Ugh.

"We're taking my car so over here."

Oh my goodness a Gremlin. A puke gold Gremlin.

She shoved me into the seat and ran around to the driver's side.

"Well, this will be fun won't it dearie?" _Maybe he'll dance with me at the club._

"Sure, and so you know the restaurant is in Port Angeles." _Oh, bummer. _

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours_

I reached for her radio because I couldn't take it anymore.

I switched it to the first thing that popped in my head, and it was Elvis Costello.

"Oh Edward, you have such bad taste. Do not touch my radio." She looked like she was going to kill me.

"Now, let's listen to something…Ah. Here we are."

Kid Rock's "So Hott" started playing on the radio, and she began to sing.

Just shoot me now.

**Em POV: **

Alice and Millard just pulled up.

I laughed and left the girls in the bathroom, Jasper was outside with Jalene? I need to know. "Hey girl."

She turned around. "What's your name?" She looked at me strange. "Jessica."

Oh. "Oh. Thank you." I then ignored her. "Hey J-man."

"You are a son of a bitch." I laughed. "I know."

"We have to eat this…" A glance at Jessica. "…crap."

I laughed. "And smell dog breath."

Jessica looked confused. "But there aren't any dogs here." Jasper tried to explain to her in human terms. "Yea we know, but, we, uh, have a secret code language between us."

"Really? Like what?" I bellowed out at that.

"Yea Jasper. Like what?" I loved this girl. Well, not like Rose but you know

"I don't love you like Rose."

"What?" I laughed again. Jasper held up his hands in an 'OK?' sign.

There was some awful and strange noise. "What is that?"

We turned around and saw some really little tacky car with Bella in the front seat waving at us. We LOL'd.

Bella got out of the car and came over.

"Hey guys. Where's Edward?"

Jasper grinned. "Still in the car with Cope-attack." She grimaced, "Do you have a phone?"

"What a brilliant IDEA! Me FIRST!" I pulled out my phone and dialed Edward's cell.

"Hey buddy-boy." I heard him swear. "Don't tease him Emmett. Give me the phone."

"Let me talk to Bella."

"No."

"Let me talk to Bella."

"No."

"Emmett you bitch give Bella the phone."

"What'cha gonna do about it? Kiss Cope?"

"EMMETT!"

Bella tried to get the phone. I stood up and held it out of her reach. She wrapped her arms around my arm and tried to get it.

"Hey Ed your girlfriend's trying to climb me here. Not very loyal."

"Emmett!" "EMMETTT!"

Jasper was over there laughing his head off. Did he just fall over?

"Edward dear is there a problem? You seem to be screaming into the phone. Is Emmett that steroids one? You need to tell him about his problem. I mean, you told me and good family ….."

"Emmett. The phone. Or I tell Rose about your adult website adventure."

Did he mean the…? But how did he find out?

"How did you find out?"

"A certain someone likes that one."

I stood there open-mouthed. Mrs. Cope has seen me naked. "Ok."

I numbly handed the phone to Bella.

"Bella?"

"Edward!" She grinned. "How are you? Is she horrible?"

"Yes. But helpful, strangely."

"What?"

"Not now. Anyway, we won't be long. We just got to Port Angeles."

"Are you driving?"

"…No…[underbreath swearing]."

"Alright. Bye sweetie." Dialtone.


	21. Rose and Mike

**Chapter 21: Mike **

_**EPOV: **_

Finally! We just pulled up to the restaurant. I abandoned Cope-bitch after she wanted me to open her door and escort her inside. Yea right, not after singing something about her goodies.

"Bella." I sighed. I ran up to her and DAMN MUTT.

He had his arm around her, laughing at something Emmett just said. Damn it Emmett, he's the enemy.

"Edward!" She ducked under his arm and came to hug me. Hahaha mutt. Guess who she prefers.

His nose was in the same wrinkled position it'd been in since he had gotten there, and always was in my presence. Now however he was cussing me in his head. Bonus.

_F'in mutt. Bella was so much better off when it was just me and her. Damn popsicle would just kill her. Hmm. Look at him, probably read—Damn it leech-pus get out of my head. You…._

Sigh. I had my arm around Bella, where I preferred, and guided her towards a chair. I sat down on her left side, and of course dog breath had to take the right. All around the table sat our "crew" for dinner.

Rosalie took her spot next to Emmett, though I didn't see his dates. Where were they?

_Damn right those whore bitches better eat inside. I will crack their skulls open like eggs fat ass. _

That explains things.

Apparently Rosalie…was still mad.

Emmett and her had had a talk before I arrived, apparently.

The waitress came and took orders.

Wolf boy wasn't hungry. He only got 2 steaks.

Bella got a salad, which is well because she needs the nutrients but would that fill her up? She could stand to gain a bit of wait.

"Bella you sure? We're paying you know." She rolled her eyes at me.

Emmett, not remembering dog appetites and human appetites weren't the same, ordered the same thing as did the rest of my family. The waitress looked might upset by this point.

_DAMN DAMN DAMN. Where do these people come from? The last set just ordered a table full of steak too. I am so getting a new job. I've always wanted to work with lizards, maybe even video games, but I never imagined serving food to lowly dogs like these. _

LMAO. This girl had no idea.

I ordered a salad as well, to give the girl a break and perhaps prevent her from using a steak knife on Alice.

She huffed away and the table split into two conversation groups. Emmett was talking to Jasper about something called TMNT. Millard Shaft and Mike had decided to join in. Alice and I communicated the usual way.

_Oh Edward…._

I tiled my head to the side.

_Where is dear Mrs. Cope?_

I rolled my eyes.

_Because she is going to be awfully upset when she sees you didn't save her a seat. _

I shrugged so that only she could see.

"Edward, you just left me there!" Cope came huffing up. She saw me sitting next to Bella, and her face turned even redder. She was just about to scream "You whore" when I stood up and pulled Mike up too.

"Why don't you take Mike's spot." He looked pissed already but when I said this he was ready to fight me.

"You know what Cullen, I'm sick of you trying to tell everyone what to do. You think you're so much better than everyone, you and your pussy brothers. Well, guess what? Why don't you take your gay boy hair and go F…"

Mrs. Cope slapped Mike. No kidding. I went into shock for a moment. Emmett stood up too.

Mrs. Cope pushed Mike back into the chair and began yelling at the top of her lungs. Emmett came around the table and I looked to him for an idea. He shrugged, a small smile on his face.

"Oh yea! Young man, derogatory term are not appreciated in company. Talking about gay, did I not catch you and that Eric boy together in the Science wing closet? I'm going to ask you right now to leave." Mike's face entirely flooded with blood, and Jasper stirred. _Damn. _

_Edward, you have to get Mike out of here. Mrs. Cope might hit him with her ring and make him bleed._ Yes Alice.

I took both Cope by the arm, and motioned for Emmett to grab Mike. I started dragging her out to the parking lot, and Emmett dragged a struggling Mike.

"Bitch lemme go!" Mike was almost being dragged at this point.

We arrived at Cope's car and threw the two against it.

"Now stop it." I almost growled at Mike. He cowered back. "Go home."

Jasper and Alice came trotting out. "We'll drive Mike home. Jasper's not feeling well anyway." Mike glanced at them.

"You'll be fine with us, we're not freaks." Alice smiled knowingly, knowing his next question.

Mike nodded, shoving Mrs. Cope's shoulder and running around the car. She grit her teeth. Jasper patted my shoulder as he and Alice walked towards where Mike had fled.

_Damn Cope. I get to miss all the fun now. _

Emmett and I went back to the table.

"Did my Jazzy go home?" Jessica looked around me. "Yea."

"Crap." She leaned forward.

"Yea my date went home too." Millard Shaft piped up. Jessica grinned, "Cool shoes." He pulled them out, "Ya dig? They supa fly dog."

Jacob's eyebrows went up at this and he glanced at Bella. "What's his problem?" Bella shrugged. "Kinda weird."

Jacob looked sideways at Bella. "According to the gal who hangs out with weird creatures?"

Bella looked dead on at him, "Yea."

He snorted and took a sip of his drink.

Emmett was whispering fervently with Rosalie about something.

"You should have told me. How did she find you and I couldn't?"

What? Did she know?

"Rose. Did you find the website?" I asked.

"What!" She turned towards me, eyes widening. "Emmett, you were on a website?"

Lizzie, Lucy, and Sarah came out of the building then. "Emmett, we bought yo for the day and we want dinner."

Rosalie stood up. "Shut up whores. And if I ever find you even loo…." Emmett stood up, and pulled her away from the put..girls.

I listened, a little worried for Emmett's…man parts.

"Emmett, what website?"

"Well, it was before I was changed, and me and my family went down to this watering hole. It was hot so I went down to the end of the creek behind some trees and got in. Before I got in some girl with a camera clicked it and ran. I couldn't chase after her in my skivvies so I kind of just lived in shame. I hadn't really known it was on a website until Edward told me."

"EDWARD KNEW!"

"Well, he heard it from Cope's head and…"

"Some dirty old woman saw you in your undies? Emmett…you are in so much trouble. Even more than the time you cut up my underwear to make a kite."

"You said you'd forgiven me for that."

"Well why should I? It was Christmas weekend and flights were booked and no stores were open."

"But Edward got shocked with lightning? Wasn't that funny?

"Wasn't funny enough. You are going to pay Em."

"Baby please…"

"NO. First these whores, and you acting like a pimp all day, and yes I know, and then I find out this!"

"You can go scream at them or whatever. Please please…"

"No Emmett. Your ass is grass and so is your Jeep. And that collection of Xbox games in the sock drawer. And your X man costume in the closet. And…."

No Emmett. Don't try the counterattack. Don't do it man.

"Well Rose, what about that time you stole the tires off my truck to patch your tires? And when there was almost no shampoo left and I said for you to use mine and you wouldn't have it and you poured it on Esme's tomatoes?"

"Emmett, you said that Esme wasn't upset about that."

"She never found out. I ran my truck over the plant and she made me sit out in a tree all day typing something about lemonade."

"I remember that. About which lemons were best for her garden? Oh Emmett."

"Yea. That was it. And she hid the axels for my truck and I had to walk to school human speed."

"Hmm." I saw her face soften some.

"Remember that time Jasper let that squirrel pee on your pillow and we let it loose in Alice's closet and she blamed him?"

"Oh Em, that was the best ever! And when we bleached all Alice's pants and washed them on high and they all shrunk."

"I love you so much Rose."

"Emmy poo, I love you too." They hugged, and other stuff started to happen.

"Um guys?" Jake yelled over at them. Please go away now."

They ran off towards the parking lot.

"Well…"

**A/N:** (And just to answer a question I know is coming, no I am not done with this story yet)


	22. The Calm

**Chapter 22: Rest….**

_BellaPOV: _

Edward had gone home to rid himself of that "Cope stink". He also insisted on my showering, because I smelled like a "damn, dirty dog." I did not. You know what, this whole 'smell thing' was probably made up to insult each other.

I was going to have to tell them to get over it one of these days.

My window slid open, and Edward jumped in too fast for my eyes. "Hey." He smiled.

I was sitting at my computer finishing up my email for Renee, about my nice, eventful evening, with a lot edited out.

"I was thinking about that waitress when we left the restaurant, the one who was thinking about the lizards or whatever?" Edward turned his head, nodding.

"How old is she?" Edward shrugged, "About 18, 19 maybe?"

"Well, she got really angry when we left all that food on the table."

Edward laughed, laying back on my bed with his arms behind his head. "Yes, she did find that quite…aggravating."

"No one ate. We just…left." I shook my head, "What was going on with Rosalie and Emmett by the way?"

Edward laughed, "That's a long story."

"We've got 'long'. Spill."

"Years ago by chance some lady got a picture of Emmett in his underwear before he went swimming, and it showed up on a certain website."

"Certain website?" What?

"The kind that no one wants to admit to seeing?"

Ohh. Ewww.

"Wait, but how did Rosalie find out?" Emmett couldn't hold secrets sure, but surely he wouldn't….

"Mrs. Cope has this website."

I screamed, covering my face, laughing.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard loud footsteps on the stairs. Edward growled under his breath and was gone.

I sat at my computer as Charlie broke open the door. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head. "No, but I think the wind picked up a rock and it hit the side of the house, it startled me." I was still half-laughing.

Charlie's eyes squinted, but he went back downstairs.

Edward appeared longways on my bed. "You really are a terrible liar."

I went and closed the door. "Well, whatever." I went and lay next to him. He kissed my neck. "But very cute."

I rolled my eyes. Edward set us right on the bed and pulled the blanket over me. "One of these days someone is just going to laugh when you lie, that's how cute you are when you do."

I closed my eyes. I was tired. It had been a LONG day. "Edward, what are we going to do tomorrow?"

I felt him smile. "It doesn't matter. Did you have something in mind?"

"Is your house going to be safe? Or should we let Rose and Emmett cool off?"

"While that may be an excellent idea, applause for some cautious thinking by the way, I don't think that is the reason we need to avoid the house. When they left the restaurant, they had 'made up' already. So yes, we will be avoiding home."

"Oh." Shudder. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near…Yeah. Or put Edward through that.

"Would you just like to watch a movie on the couch?"

Edward smiled. "I wouldn't like anything better."

"Something sappy, romantic, and predictable?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He kissed my forehead.


	23. The Storm

Edward and Emmett hunted on Sunday.

**Chapter 23: So not fair!**

**BPOV**: 

Edward knocked on the door, coming inside. "Good morning Chief Swan." He smiled at Charlie, who cussed under his breath.

He followed me into the kitchen, where he welcomed me properly for a kiss. "How was the hunt?"

"I made Emmett hurry so we could get back today. I wouldn't want to miss anything." He didn't look me in the eye when he said this.

"Edward, what…" He kissed me again, shaking his head. He sighed. "Oh nothing."

We got into the car. "Emmett is a funny funny boy." I smiled.

"Yes. While hunting he decided it would be funny to hide my favorite pair of shoes, tearing them apart in the process. By the time I found them, the leather had already been used to make the nest for a particularly territorial squirrel. Have you ever seen a squirrel throw nuts? Oh very funny."

I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. "Your good Reeboks?" I snorted I was laughing so hard.

He gave me a very droll look. "Oh, oh that is so funny."

Edward pulled into the parking lot, walking me to the buildings. We parted and I entered class.

The announcements came on. "As you all must know, tomorrow are the State examinations. Do your best, and Forks High wishes you all the best of luck."

Oh yes, the exams. They said something about that at the school spirit assembly. (Ch1)

One good thing, Mike hadn't even glanced our way on the trip inside today. Mrs. Cope shouldn't have said that in front of everyone. She didn't know.

Anyway, Mrs. Cope was never coming anywhere near my Edward ever again.

The day passed fairly quickly, the only thing of interest being that Rosalie had thrown a French fry at a glaring sophomore, strange but true.

I met Edward in the parking lot, and he greeted me with the usual hug. "I thought we would go see Esme, she's missed you." I grinned, Esme was so wonderful to everyone. How could I not miss her too?

The drive was fairly quick, with Edward's maniac driving skills. I sat clutching his hand in fear, and he chuckled.

Esme greeted me at the door. "Bella dear." I hugged her, and she kissed my forehead. "How are you?"

Edward followed us into the living room. "Wonderful, though this past weekend was rather…eventful, to put it nicely." She smiled.

I laughed too. "I can imagine."

"Edward dear, didn't you write a new composition? I would dearly love to hear it."

The day passed very sweetly.

I woke up the next morning to my sweet angel's face. "Good morning." He smiled. I smiled back.

"Wake up Bella. Our education awaits us this morning." I put the pillow over my face. He took it away gently, though firmly.

I sighed and sat up, taking my things and heading to the bathroom. As usual he was there when I returned, and we went to the school.

Emmett waved at us in the parking lot when we arrived. Edward parked, and helped me out.

"Hey Bella, which room are you in?"

"What?"

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Silly Bella, test day?" He laughed.

Edward sighed. "Students get divided up based on last names."

Emmett put an arm around my waist and lifted me up, leaning me against his hip as he walked. "Bro, stop that." Jasper came jogging up.

Alice and Rosalie were talking next to her Mercedes.

I managed to be returned to the ground, and Edward punched Emmett's arm. "Limited playtime with the human."

"Bet you don't have a limit for PLAYtime huh?" Edward whirled towards him but Emmett was already several feet away. Jasper winked at me.

Edward began cussing out Emmett in some guttural language, and following him around the parking lot.

Jasper spoke. "The last time they started playing around in a parking lot cost us half a million dollars." I got whiplash from how fast my neck turned to look at him. "What?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly a parking lot so much as it was an air strip. They ran into the landing gear of a plane, and ….well…it wasn't so good." He chuckled.

"Emmett, stop goading him. We all know Edward's a dang girl anyway." Rosalie stood between Emm and Edward.

Edward glared at her, and a growl erupted. I was a few feet away and I heard it.

Sudden tranquility befell every single one of us. Edward cussed at Jasper. "Damn you, do you know how …hard it is to cuss you a…ugh…your ass out when you do that?"

Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and pointed me towards the direction of the cafeteria.

"Come on guys, we wouldn't want to fail our 391th consecutive state driven test. Our futures depend on it." Alice chirped, giggling.

The gym had many more tables placed in there, considering the size of the café and the school's population.

"Find your seats students." I made sure I had pencils and gave Edward a kiss. "It'll have to do for a few hours," He chuckled.

Great, I got to see whatever antics Emmett was sure to get into.

**EdPOV: **

At least this time I was able to sit next to Bella. These state tests were all the same every year until the end of time. And the results always came back exactly the same.

"Students, we are handing out booklets. In the beginning, open the tab keeping closed the Personality and Career section, and begin to fill it out. Any questions may be addressed to a teacher." There were 4 teachers in the whole room.

Bella struggled with her tab, and I assisted her. She smiled at me, blushing. Ahh, the warmth.

I opened my own, and filled out Name, Address…

_Name: Emmett Cullen_

_Address: Call me Emmett Cullen please. _

_Phone number: Why would you want to know about how many phones we have? _

Ahh, the joy of reading Emmett's mind during tests.

_Sex: Please. Though why you're asking me I'm not sure, kind of personal ya know? Wait, who is the sex with?_ All written to the side with an arrow pointing. Of course. Emmett especially, though we all did, enjoyed messing with scorers' minds.

_I bet when Emmett saw Sex he automatically thought of my new high heels. Meow. _Rosalie, Rosalie, Rosalie….

Alice laughed internally, seeing my face. I shook my head at her, smiling.

Let's see.

_Question 6: Would you prefer working at home or in a office environment? At home, damn, I might kill someone and blame it on Em in an office. _Oh Jasper, and his morbid humor sometimes.

_Jasper is looking especially fine in that new shirt. Now he just needs those pants I saw. Question 4: Would I prefer to work in a government political campaign or a bargain thrift store? _

At that moment I tuned out Alice because she was about to start cussing.

I glanced at Bella's paper. Yes, yes, yes, wait.

Question 8: Would you prefer working in animal rights to promote a vegetarian group or in Save Our Wolves?

HAHAHAHA. I started laughing at that moment. My chest moved with the effort of not laughing out loud. Emmett snorted when he found the question, and began laughing too.

"Boys, please." A lady came over. "Control yourselves before I have to invalidate your tests. They'll determine your passing this year." Me and Emmett snickered even more at this. Rosalie cracked a smile too.

Bella just looked confused. I winked at her. Then she glanced back at the test, and at me. I laughed harder.

Understanding showed in her features and she began to laugh too.

"That's it. Emmett, correct? Stand up and sit at this table please."

It was the table directly behind Edward nearest the doors.

Emmett moved very slowly, causing a vein in the woman's neck to bulge. "Sir, if you are not in a Special Ed class, I assume someone of your girth can move their as…things faster than this."

Emmett moved, sitting at a table across from a mousy looking brown haired boy. Other than that there was no one at his table.

The woman glared at the two, then walked away.

I caught Emmett's eye, and he wiggled(waggled?) his eyebrows at me.

_Edward-poo, I think you are disrupting my education. I think that calls for revenge._

Oh no he didn't. I nodded in agreement, and kept my mind tuned to his.

_Question 26: I generally see myself as a person with a forgiving nature. True or False. Damn how did they know?_

_Question 27: I am a quiet person. True or False. Damn where's the free response section to the test. _

_Question 28: I have an active imagination. True or False. Ditto. _

_Question 29: I am emotionally stable and not easily upset. HEY Edward. Pay ATTENTION to this question. I think they're trying to profile you here buddy. _

Hmm. Where were the pranks? He must be planning this out. I could plan too.

Bella has five pencils. I have two. Alice winked at me as I checked her pencil stock, and pulled 10 out of her pocket as well as bubble gum.

She passed them to me under the table, and I 'dropped' my pencil.

They went into my pocket. _Edward, I warn you, Emmett has a kick ass plan._

Damn, I knew it. I lifted my eyebrows so Alice could see. _I am not going to tell you, it would ruin everything. You should know better than that Eddie._

Half of a pencil shattered against the leg of the bench Bella and myself were sitting on.

Alice winked at me.

Something else hit the bench, and the supports gave out. The bench went to the floor with a crash and I moved Bella to the floor before she fell.

"What happened?" Two teachers ran over to Bella, I was already standing and glaring at Emmett.

Bella stood, holding on to my arm while she got her balance. She pushed on my arm to get my attention.

"Was that Emmett?" Bella whispered. I nodded.

"Alright no big deal. Back to your Profiles." The man barked at the rest of the café.

"Can you and your brother behave yourself Mr. Cullen?" She guided us over to Emmett's table. She sat Bella down next to Emmett. DAMN DAMN. Not good.

I sat next to the mouse boy, who was very interested in his test.

Emmett grinned, and winked at Bella. So he does have a game plan, and it involves Bella, and he's already being devious. How much more could he do?


	24. War

**Chapter 24: War**

**EdPOV: **

Oh no. This was so not good. If Emmett moved too fast or did something too rough…

I glanced at the pissed off teachers. They wouldn't want to become any more involved than what they already were.

Emmett grinned at me, but nothing. He wasn't thinking.

He went back to his test. I glanced over at Alice, who was grinning. I might need those extra pencils she'd given me. To defend Bella, and myself.

Bella was pouting, that she wasn't sitting next to me anymore. My guess would be that she didn't expect any more antics out of him, that the broken bench was the king of his corner. But I knew better.

Emmett was going to play cool, and then hit hard. He could never resist.

"Open your tabs to the actual test now, students. Follow along and listen carefully to the instructions as I read them."

I tuned out, staring Emmett, who was silent, down. He tilted his head to the side and grinned.

_Marshmallow. Onions. Sims 2. Okachachobee. Where have I heard that word before? Paper…shhh. Damn. This is always hard. Wait. Damn! Edward, what is 'okachachobee'?_

"It's Okeechobee, it's a place in Florida." I whispered so only he could hear.

Bella was dozing off, head on paper. Emmett grinned. He leaned over and stuck pencils in her hair, which had been tied up in preparation for leaning over a test booklet for hours.

"Emmett, stop that." I said lowly. He rolled his eyes. _Please. Like I could resist. Bet you're just cranky because you know that Cope isn't overseeing the test? Poor Eddie. Misses his girlfriend already._

I grit my teeth. I had finally got away from the woman and he brought her back up.

The instruction stopped, and Bella sat up. The pencils were still stuck in her hair, and she hadn't noticed. I stared at her, until her eyes turned to me.

I pointed to my hair, and her eyebrow raised. "Yes, it looks nice." She rolled her eyes. "Geesh."

"No, Be…"

"MR. CULLEN! Silence." The prompted tapped me on the shoulder.

I sighed.

"Now, if everyone will be silent. Start your test. Now."

I rested my chin on my hand and began.

Replace the underlined word with the correct word. Hmm.

Any mood in music—happy, sad, suspenseful—is created by an element called a scale, which are a group of notes played together in varying patterns.

A. used to be

B. been

C. is

D. were

Easy. C. Ugh this was so boring. I raced through, filling in answers left and right. To entertain myself I hummed my newest composition to myself.

Bella's pencil snapped itself in half. "Hey." She looked at Emmett, then me.

Emmett had his hand over in his mouth in a similar fashion to me, I couldn't tell if he was smiling or not. He seemed focused on his test.

Hmm. Damn he was good. He looked up, confused. "What?" He mouthed.

I looked over at Alice, who purposely was thinking about shoes. And x-y=z.

Hmm. Curious. I shook my head. Maybe it was just Bella and the pencil. I went back to my test.

And so that hypotenuse is equal to the…

Whap. A pencil struck me in the chest, shattering on the impact. I looked up at Emmett, who looked equally surprised. Then he started chuckling quietly to himself.

Who did that? _Edward, that was awesome? The pencil…your face!_

But the trajectory was all wrong for Emmett to have been the culprit.

I followed the line of where I expected the culprit to be. And there sat Jasper, sitting next to Alice, grinning and waving. He laughed.

_Sorry bro. Couldn't resist myself. I was hoping you'd blame Em over there though. Oh well, it was still good. _

Jasper too? Double damn. I grit my teeth, while Bella giggled behind her hand.

Sigh. Oh well. This could get good. I fingered the pencils in my pocket. Two could play this game, but I couldn't get Bella between those pencils and myself. How to get her moved again?

I aimed the pencil in my hand towards the back of the man prompter's head. I threw it so it would hurt a bit, but not go through his head.

I put an extra pencil next to Bella's hand just in time for his head to turn. "Hey!"

He came over, looked at me and Emmett working peacefully, and Bella looking confused.

"Miss, get up. Now." He was angry. Bella was even more confused now. "But…"

"Up." He collected her things and set her alone in the desk next to the door. Good, she was out of the way, and could still see our antics.

Emmett sighed. _Just makes me have to think more creatively when you do that you know. _

Aw crap. His plans still focused on Bella. I looked at Alice, who nodded her head. Damn.

I listened as hard as I could, a mistake as I caught everyone else in the room too.

Ugh. Too much.

I felt extremely…_warm_ all of a sudden. And in the wrong place. I crossed my legs and glared at Jasper, who grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. Ok that is it. He is spending way too much time with Emmett.

Emmett saw me move and he laughed too.

Bella sat pouting over in the corner. So damn pouty, damn that mouth. Wait. Stop. Revenge time. Time for that later.

I took the bubble gum out of my pocket, then grrred when I realized Bella wouldn't be able to chew it for me. DAMN. It was fruity tuity flavor too. UGH.

I threw it in my mouth and started chewing, grimacing. My test lay forgotten. There were more important things on the table.

I spit it out, and snapped a pencil in half. I stuck the gum to the non-eraser end and made sure it stuck tight. I also took the shoe laces from both of the mousy boys shoes, made a rope, and tied it to the eraser end.

Emmett knew something was up, ever since I had started chewing the gum. He was making his plans. Though through images, and it was harder to know what was going to happen.

Then I saw it. Emmett pulled my paper away from me, and made each page a separate ball. I growled under my breath. He stuffed them all in his jacket, to hide them I suppose.

He threw the first one at Bella, which hit her lightly in the head. It was enough, though, to disturb the pencils he had stuck in her hair, and a noisy cat toy which I hadn't seen, the type with the bell inside the see-through plastic ball.

The ball hit the floor noisily, as well as the four pencils and bits of paper.

The prompter sighed, and he strode over to her. Bella stared at Emmett.

"Miss?" He picked up the cat toy. "You are very much disturbing the test."

"But it's not me! It's…" She was so angry she was starting to cry a little. "All I wanted to do was take my test in peace, but Some PEOPLE just won't stop."

Emmett looked a little sorry now. He raised his hand. "Sir?"

The entire room had stopped the test by this time. The teachers all wanted to knock somebody!

"Yes?"

"I kind of stuck all of that in her hair. Sorry." He was sorry. He didn't think Bella would cry.

"Last warning son." The prompter was cussing Emmett out inside. I had to cover my smirk.

Was Emmett going to get even sneakier? I looked over at Alice. Alice was smiling even more so than earlier. Damn.

He met my eyes. _I didn't mean to make her cry bro, sorry. _

I sighed, and shrugged. "She's angry at you." I mouthed. He grimaced. _At least she's funny when she's angry. Well, some. It depends. _

True. And sexy. Damn it! Jasper! I bared my teeth at him and he and Alice slapped palms.

She was so not helping.

Everyone was against me today.

Ugh. Just me and mouse boy left with him.

That boy had scooted all the way to the far side, leaving me and Emmett across from each other in the middle of the benches. Hmm.

Interesting.

I hooked my leg around the table leg and picked the side of the table up and down too quick for humans to notice. Mouse boy and Emmett both lost their grip for a moment. Mouse boy fell off, his papers scattering, and Emmett lost a leg off the side of the bench.

The teachers ran over to help him, not even suspecting something they couldn't have seen. Good.

He looked so shaken they took him out of the room. Emmett grinned even more maniacally than he had before, and I glared playfully back. Now for revenge for making Bella cry.


	25. Emmett's Turn

**AN: ****I know it's been a while, and for that I apologize. Family issues. I'm moving states, and gotta pack up the computer for a few days at least. So I might not be able to update next week. I am writing however, even for my other story! I will do better over the summer, I promise!**

**Chapter 25: Interference**

**EdwardPOV: **

So. Emmett was against me. Jasper was interfering. Alice wasn't helping me, laughing all the way.

Damn.

Emmett's plan no longer focused on Bella, on that I was certain.

So what now? What would embarrass Emmett? The teacher walked by to check out our progress, and he saw me with no test.

"Where is your test!" I looked pointedly at my dear brother, who was in fits of laughter, trying to pretend to cough.

"That's it. Stand up. Now." I moved to get up, and couldn't.

What?

Emmett snorted, a hand clamped over his mouth, staring at his test and pretending to work.

"Now." A snort escaped Emmett. I heard chuckles from my other siblings. Damn. What was wrong? I looked at my underside.

Dried glue. I couldn't get up without ripping my pants in half.

I noticed the fabric sticking to the chair. My half of the bench had been drenched in it. The boy had narrowly escaped.

_Thank you ALICE! LOL! THIS IS PERFECT! HAHAHAHAHA._ Emmett was laughing so hard it was making me laugh.

Ugh. I made a fist, and Emmett cheered on having 'gotten' me so completely. Again. With nearly the same prank result.

The man grabbed the jacket on the upper arm, and tried to lift me. I moved with him so maybe he would understand.

He got it. He groaned. "Can you stand up?" I shook my head. Bella looked up and saw Emmett, full out man-giggling, and the man trying to detach the britches from my ass.

Finally, he rubbed his face in his hand. "You know, I don't give a f…Stay here." Where am I going to go? He left the room, shaking his head. This ignited the other teachers' interest.

Each and every one of them glared at me, and Emmett by known past trickery.

The man was gone for a full ten minutes. He returned with cot sheets, and… a damned pair of scissors!

Ugh. He nodded. _Damn, undressing a 17-year old juvenile asshole is not how I wanted to spend the day. Sure, watch kids fail tests, go home to Betsy, shoot pebbles in my .45 at those squirrels she keeps saying are attacking her flowe…._

What was his problem with squirrels? Anyway. Crap. I couldn't get sent home without pants again. I'd never live it down. Jasper…his memory was too long. He'd remember this a few centuries from now if I wasn't mistaken.

Bella was no longer doing her test. Girl, do your work, please. You are the only one who actually needs to pass it. No good. She kept meeting my gaze. If the dead could blush…

"Students, we're going to take a recess." One lady announced. The students were basically rushing for the door, anything to escape the monotony of test day.

Bella rushed over, to be muscled out by Alice. Bella protested, but Alice shook her head. _Perfect! Now just…_

"Sir, that includes you as well." The man commanded Emmett. Emmett rolled his eyes and made the motion to stand up.

That's right. The motion. He couldn't. Alice cheered inside her head, as did I.

"Emmett?" He was in total shock.

I looked at the door, and there was Alice, grinning. _I helped him glue you. He never even had the thought that I might take the extra glue and stick it on his own bench. _

Touché Emmett.

Emmett groaned, putting his head in his hands. _Alice, Rose is going to KILL me if some chick gets a good look…_

Of course he'd be thinking about Rosalie's reaction.

I was laughing, out loud by this point. This was all so stupid!

He looked up, cracking a smile at my own. Then he read my face, laughing even more boisterously than me.

What a surprise, this really ticked our teachers off.

The man tapped me on the shoulder. "You want to do it? I don't want to cut you."

This made me laugh. If I stood up with my real strength, they'd just tear apart anyway. But I took them, quickly snipping them off enough for me to stand up normally. I tossed them to Emmett, who did the same. The lady handed me a sheet, blushing.

Emmett did not stand up quite so readily. He took his sheet before standing, knotting it on his hip.

With all the perversion around here, I preferred to hold mine.

We were both marched outside, past the eyes of staring students, across the lot to the office. A few bold humans actually whistled. Bella was red, mortified at her friends' all staring.

I sat next to Emmett inside the front office. Wait, I knew that scent…

I looked up to see Mrs. Cope sitting behind her desk, typing hands frozen upon seeing two almost naked boys in her office.

_YOWZA…Hello sexies. _

Aw hell. Alice, you and Emmett shall burn if I have anything to do with it.

_Hey Ed, you don't think she's got a split personality, do ya?_ I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling so Emmett could see.

Mrs. Cope's attention was on Emmett this time, _Yup, just as damn sexy in real life as he is on my computer. HAWT!_

I chuckled, trying to cough to cover it up. Emmett glared at me from the side.

"So, everything go all right with the test boys?" Mrs. Cope smiled, laughing.

Emmett grinned. Aw no. "Yea, you know, except for the face that Edward seems to have some fascination with my ass, is all."

Snorts erupted from my own nose when he said this. What a knack for sending this old perv into spasms!

Mrs. Cope gulped, and turned back to her work.

Alice was such a pain, and her little pranks. Her new Chanel shoes were SO going under my nails tonight.

The principal came out of the office, and the man left the room.

Emmett grinned, and yelled out, "AY YO MR. PRINCIPAL!" The man took a step back in shock.

"So why don't you two just come into my office, now?" He said this in a funny voice, and so we had to, carefully, stand up in our towels and follow him into the room.

We sat down in front of his desk, him behind it.

"Why don't you explain while I attempt to get your father on the phone."

He dialed in the number. Emmett was silent, thank goodness. I looked over at him, and he shrugged. _How to explain? _

"Oh, hello Dr. Cullen. Yes, from your children's school?" I heard Carlisle sigh. "It seems that your sons have pulled some type of prank with Superglue, and are currently sitting in my office, with no pants."

I could practically see Carlisle thinking. Emmett and I heard Dad say, "Would you ask Emmett if he is wearing underwear?" The principal's face scrunched up.

He moved the phone from his face. "Excuse me Emmett, your father wants to know if you are currently wearing underwear."

Emmett's face turned into a grin. "No tidy whities today sir." He burst out in laughter.

"You are naked, sir? Is this going to be a repeat offense?"

"Well, this isn't my first time, or Edward's for that matter, so I couldn't say for sure." Emmett was still laughing.

"Ugh." The man rolled his eyes. "What is this, a nudist colony?"

Emmett's eyes lit up, and he looked over to me. "Hey man, think we could get some of these chicks to join?" He thumbed over his shoulder.

"Mr. Cullen, your son is a regular comic. He cannot be on stage without pants, though, so if you wouldn't mind…"

"Actually, my wife Esme is going to bring the pants, but I will be there as soon as I can." Carlisle sighed. Hell was bolting our way.

"Alright, sir. And shirts as well, if possible." He shot us a look. "See you when you get here sir."

"Yes, thank you." Carlisle hung up. Emmett shot worried eyes at me. _How bad is it going to be?_

I searched for Alice's mind, who was currently thinking of her and Jasper…so no help there.

I shrugged.

"Now, both of you are going to be punished. Disrupting a standardized test, public nudity, we're going to drug test both of you just to make sure…"

Emmett started laughing inside, picturing Chief Swan come to arrest the Cullen boys.

"I want that explanation, and I want it from Emmett."

Emmett sobered up a little. "Well, sir," he pretended to sniffle, ineffectively, "Edward's always mean to me."

I rolled my eyes. "The truth, son."

Emmett grinned, "Alright, you caught me. I'm a soul-stealing vampire come to suck the blood of your beautiful females."

I choked a little, at his brute honesty. However, the principal just got angrier at this 'game'.

"Is this a joke to you? How would you like detention for the rest of your school career?" Emmett thought about the centuries of school. "No, sir, I would definitely not like that."

"Good. Finally a little seriousness." The principal looked over at me. "I thought I could expect better from you Edward. You never cause a problem like some of your other siblings do. What, is there a problem? How did you get roped into this?"

"A little misjudgement, sir." I smirked inwardly. Alice still knows how to confuse me.

There was a knock on the door, and Bella came in with a change of clothes for each of us.

"Alright, boys, why don't you go get dressed? You're suspended for the rest of the day. This is ridiculous."

"Alice pulled these out of her car. Almost like she knew." Bella glared in the direction of our sister.

"Hey Bella." Emmett winked at her.

Bella glared at him. "This was important, Emmett. You ruined the rest of the day. Did you never to think about anyone else?"

Emmett grinned. "Well, yes, but I never knew it upset you so much that you've never seen me naked. I mean, Edward, Rose and myself have all glimpsed over the years but if you so insist…"

Bella squealed and covered her eyes quickly. "Bella, he was just joking." I looked back at Emmett. "You were just joking, right?"

"Oh, about half and half." Emmett laughed.

We arrived at the boys' bathroom. "Alright. Guess I have to go back to my test now." Bella rolled her eyes.

I smiled. Just so damn cute.

Emmett put his arm behind his head, stretching. He smirked. "Thanks for the pants, doll. Have to do this again sometime."

Bella didn't glance at him. I didn't blame her.

"Hey Bella!" Lauren, the brown haired girl, ran up. "You wouldn't believe what I got dared me to do."

_Can I do this? He'll probably kill me. _Crap. She wasn't thinking it. There were a group of teenage girls at the end of the hall. Uh-oh. This couldn't be good.

Before I could think, with one hand on my hip and the other in Bella's hand, I couldn't prevent it. Lauren came from behind Emmett, with his arm still over his head, and pulled enough on the towel that it fell off.


	26. Hm

**Chapter 26: Hm**

**EmPov: **

Laughing. Was that good? Half of the girls had fainted, and the other half had burst out into giggles. Bella's eyes had rolled back in her head, and Edward's focus was on getting her awake. "Bella? Bella?" What? The chick that always picked on Bella was staring…

Not again. Hadn't enough people already seen me naked? I snatched the towel away, rewrapping myself. Rose was going to lose her mind. What was I gonna do? "Must we be so immature?"

A snort came from 'big' brother Edward, who covered his mouth. I rolled my eyes, keeping my hand on the towel this time. Hurriedly I ran into the bathroom, eager to get dressed before the whirlwind who was my one and only love came running to kill me. Sort of.

I laid out the clothes, choking on my throat. What in the blazes was this? "ALICE!" Inside my normal clothes were…_girl_ things…A scrunchie. Who used a schrunchie? The underwear had been cut down the back, and if I put them on they'd show my hindquarters to everyone else. Same with my…

"DAMMIT! MY JEANS!" And my favorite pair, too! Alice! I growled, glancing up in the mirror. Sure, I'm a stud, but I do have a bit of class!

"What class, Em?" Edward's voice came from outside. "Shut up!" Bella's giggling, and other females," Just…wait till Rose finds out! You and Alice always plan everything!"

Edward entered, punching me in the shoulder. "Believe it or not, she's been keeping this little week a secret from me. She's been practicing." I snorted," As if I'd believe that." Edward was dressing. Why did he get clothes?

He sighed, pulling his shirt on. "Don't worry. Alice probably has something much worse in store for me."

"You know my Rose has a vengeful side, don't you?"

OoO

**RosePOV**:

Stupid, childish, idiot pranks. Now half the school had seen my guy, and my anger was rising after he'd promised me no more public nudity!

Well…all right. Other than that time at McDonalds. But that was a one time thing, and Ronald deserved it. Friggin' clowns.

Ugh. This was so crossing the line. Enough of involving us, we might be dead but we might want a little piece of peace! Couldn't we _attempt_ to blend just once! Stupid Edward. Always starting these things. Of course Emmett was supreme. Who wanted to be a dead vampire who needed to go mate-hunting in the human pool? Hello, was he stupid?

I looked up into the mirror, calming. My own protection helped to ease my breathing. Bailing Emmett out of jail for public nudity after Alice had destroyed his clothes, I needed it. What right did they have to…Nevermind.

I shook my hair, leaning closer to blink at myself. If only I could have my blue eyes, I'd be absolutely perfect. Oh well.

I walked out at my own pace to the car, revving up the engine. The Forks County Police Station was a little rink-dink place, but it was enough to shame me. Bailing my hundred-year old hubby out of a place that couldn't hold the weakest vamp in the world. Of course.

"Rose…" Emmett rumbled from behind the cell. "Here. May I take him home now?" I spoke directly to one of the sheriffs, whose gaze never left my chest. "Uh…sure. Yeah." He scrambled for the keys, fighting to focus on the cell's lock. Idiot. I rolled my eyes, sticking my arms on my hips. "Rose, darlin'."

"Thank you officer. I'll make sure to deal with him." Without a word directly to my moron, I turned on my new shoes, gorgeous Jimmy Choos, letting the glass slam behind me. Emmett scrambled out behind me, grabbing my arm. "Rose, hun…"

"Nope." I didn't spare him a glass, stomping meaningfully over to my sweet baby. (My car, of course.) "But…"

"And don't you dare touch my car. Walk home." I slammed the door, listening to the engine roar. Emmett knocked on the hood, giving me his best teddy-bear face. How I loved that face, his perfect hair catching the wind. Ugh, he was too gorgeous! I averted my eyes, backing up. "Rose, baby!" How he made ME feel like the guilty one! I grit my teeth, throwing my foot down on the pedal. Glancing up back into the rearview I saw his face looking sadly after me, and I stopped halfway down the gravel, sending it flying. He smiled, chuckling, racing to climb in next to me.

"Rose…"

"I'm still angry." He leaned back into the seat, his giant elbow resting on the open window. "You know it weren't my fault, baby!"

"I know. It's Alice's and Edward's. But you still got involved with that stupid game at school." He caught a few strands of my hair, tugging gently. "Rose…"

"You know how I feel about it." I loved his sense of humor, but not so conspicuous! "I gotta have something to do! There's only so much a guy can learn in high school in the past fifty years."

"You want to play a game then?" He raised an eyebrow at that, and I saw the sparkle in his eyes. "No, not that one," I cautioned. Not quite yet. Still furious, here.

"You, me? You think you can hang with the Pimp?" I glared at him, snarling. "I hate that name."

"I know," he said with the humor in his voice, making his voice deeper. "I'm tired of this game, and it's time someone won."

"Rose? You've never gotten involved before. You that upset?" He sounded a bit worried, and I smiled. Emmett's big frame shuddered a bit, and I laughed softly. "Yes, sweetheart."

OoO

**Bella POV: **

Edward had carried me upstairs after I'd tripped exiting the car, laughing softly and letting his cool breath wash over me. "You know…"

He froze, sniffing the air. "Bella," he set me down on my feet outside his room," Stay here, all right?" My eyebrows lowered, and Edward slipped inside his room. There was a large growl, and then a crash. "Dammit!"

"Edward? Edward!" I opened the door, staying on the outside of the door frame. Someone had destroyed Edward's best collection of old vinyls, and rewired his stereo so that it burst into flame with the mere vibration of walking. He beat it out in a few moments, glancing back at me. "I believe Rosalie might be rather irritated with everyone."

"Where is she?" Edward sighed, "I think I should take you home before anything crazier happens today."

He walked me outside, acting as if James were after me. "She's not really that mad, is she?" Glancing up at Edward's wrinkled, (for him), brow, I decided that perhaps she was. The wrath of the blonde beauty must be really bad for it to worry him like this. "Rosalie holds onto things for a long time, Bella."

He drove even faster than his breakneck speed, keeping a quick eye on all the mirrors. He didn't even walk me in, kissing me lightly on the mouth. "Go, silly. I'll meet you tonight, all right?"

**Edward POV: **

Rosalie went Grade-A psycho when she got past a certain limit, and just like I had feared, she had gotten there. The "Red Button", as Emmett himself called it. She might not be a red-head, but she sure did have that legendary temper.

On the way home something felt weird with the steering column, so I slowed down. It felt…odd. The radio numbers soon began running backwards, and the engine light came on. She wouldn't, would she?

An old cassette's intermediary sound came on, and a few seconds later a voice. "Give Alice a message for me, Edward." Rosalie. She would. "I'm gonna get your Volvo, and Alice's little Porsche, too." The smell of leaking fluid, and more. Damn it! I pulled over, finding an old abandoned part of the road. I leapt out of the door, smelling the smoke. She'd probably hooked something to the engine with a timer!

Sure enough, his precious Volvo blew to pieces. Bits and parts pelted him, and he brushed the crumpled metal off of himself. What a vindictive little woman Emmett had. He'd probably helped her just to get himself back on his wife's good side. His Volvo. Now that was just low.


End file.
